First, I want to welcome you to the forum. Second, it takes courage to be real about [y]our struggles.
For some, addiction is easy to overcome and for others, it is very difficult. There is as reason why we say that Christ came to free us from our sin. Sin is a form of enslavement. We need His grace to break the chains that sin has on us. The best way to receive this grace is to frequent the Sacrament of Reconciliation. The more you struggle, the more you need to go and the less you will want to go.
The best advice I ever received from someone who has lost hundreds of pounds (and if he can do it, I have no excuse). “When you don’t feel like working out, that is when you need to work out. No excuses!”
The second advice that I heard from a man who was addicted to alcohol was this. “Either you are drinking or you are not.”
I think together, these can apply in your situation. Either you are looking at poґn or you are not. And when you least feel like going to Confession, is when you should go.
This reminds me of a Podcast I listened to a bout a cult. The men and women in the cult took a vow of celibacy (similar to how our Nuns and Priests do). Some of the men felt that they were really struggling with this, so they kept asking the Cult leader if they could castrate themselves. He kept telling them no. But, they were persistent and kept asking until he finally agreed to allow it. One of the women in this cult was a nurse, so they asked her to conduct the procedure. Something went horribly wrong and one of the men’s (without getting too graphic) scrotum began filling with fluids and expanding!
The first thing they did was call a Catholic Priest (even though they had nothing to do with Christianity at all). They explained the situation to the Priest and he informed them that we do not do what they were trying to do. In fact, if you read the First Council of Nicaea (325 AD) they speak against voluntary castration among clergy (except for medical purposes or if someone was castrated by barbarians would not be in violation). They ended up having no choice, but to take the man to the Hospital (who had lots of questions as you would expect : )
St. Paul, who was celibate himself (1 Corinthians 7:7-8), talked about men who were unable to “exercise self-control, they should Marry. For it is better to Marry than to burn with passion” (verse 9).
But, if you are someone who really struggles with the sin of lust, getting Married is not a cure-all! Protestant and Evangelical Pastors being unfaithful in their Marriages happen quite often. We’ve also seen them on “To Catch a Predictor” and an Orthodox Priest just got caught in an undercover sting near us a few months ago. So, one’s disordered desires do not go away when one gets Married.
It is interesting that right after these verses, St. Paul begins talking about how they are not to get divorced. St. Paul knew that even in Marriage, individuals will struggle still with temptation.
Jesus, our Lord, also talks about disordered desires and lust, “I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28).
He goes on to say, “If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your body parts than for your whole body be thrown into hell (verse 29). And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell (verse 30).”
Jesus does not want us literally to cut off body parts (so again, castration is not an option : )
And Jesus also talks against divorce after these verses also. Just an observation.
To make this more relatable, If your iPhone causes you to sin, then cut it off! If you are streaming inappropriate movies or shows, then cut it off. If an app is causing you to sin, delete it!
We cannot serve two masters, “Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other” (Luke 16:13). Why do you feel like you are an imposter? Because you serve two masters. One master wants to free you, while the other is trying to enslave you. Choose the One who desires to free you from sin and reject the master that enslaves.
The devil is an accuser. First he convinces you to justify a sinful act. Maybe he tells you that if you just do this thing, then the desire to do it will be gone (sure momentarily), but he knows that the disordered desire will return even greater than before. But we buy the lie again and again, until we say “no.” The devil cannot make us do anything. Everything is consent. We consent to sin, even though some are more culpable than others).
After we have fallen for the devil’s lie, he accuses and we begin to label ourselves by this sin we have consented to! We begin to be convinced that we are unforgivable. That we are too shameful to God to be forgiven. These too are lies!
Please let me reframe the way in which you are looking at this. When we were Baptized, we entered into a Covenantal relationship with Jesus, the bridegroom.
In Marriage, we love, we sacrifice, we mature, we forgive, and we are forgiven. Yes, St. Paul and Jesus talk about divorce, but they also talk about Marriage and how we ought to live within a Covenantal relationship. They also talk a lot about perseverance and being persistent. Not to get what we want, like the cult-follower who thought the answer was doing it his way, but rather, being persistent in God’s ways.
Holiness is not us doing works, but Christ working in us! Together, we cooperate with one another. We can never do this alone, nor are we expected to (Ephesians 2:8-9).
Faith is not a feeling. Sure there is times when we feel closer to God than other times. The times I have felt closest to Jesus, are the times when I am least focused on other’s sins and more on my own (Matthew 7:3-5), which then leads to me focusing more on Christ’s Sacrificial love for me, in spite of my sin and what the devil has convinced me I am! Am I a victim of sin or did I consent to sin? God is reaching out to help, now what are we (God my Father, Jesus who frees me, the Holy Spirit, and I) going to do about it?!
Know that my Prayers are with you in moments of temptation, as you Pray, Come Holy Spirit.
Also, I would encourage you to start reading the Bible more. Begin with the New Testament and then you will see Jesus in the Old Testament. When you encounter something that doesn’t make sense or that you may need clarification on, there are some great apps to help you better understand (Catena, Truthly, and Catholic Answers to name a few). Also, The Big Green Catechism has a table in the back where you can look up verses from the Bible and it tells you where in the Catechism that that verse is referenced. I have found this also very helpful. The Bible is a Catholic Book and a love letter from God to His bride, the church (you and I).
