I despise existence

Casual Discussion
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Does anyone else just absolutely despise and abhor existence? I truly hate existing and having been brought into existence without my consent. It feels nothing short of r#pe, having to exist against my own will, consent and volition. If God had given me a choice and asked for my opinion beforehand I would have never agreed to exist. I know Jesus is my savior and that he died for me and all but if I never existed he wouldn’t have to die for me in the first place. And after I die, I don’t even want to go to heaven, or purgatory, and I certainly don’t want to go to hell. I just want to cease existing. There is not a single day that goes by without my wishing for non existence or that I was at least aborted or died in my mother’s womb.

For the record, I am absolutely not looking for advice. Please don’t tell me to pray the rosary or to go to mass. Please do not assume anything about me. I am looking for some empathetic resonance, that’s it.

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You too huh? Yeah…I feel like all I do is take up space. I feel like I’m just dead weight anymore. I have nothing tying me down to this realm. I don’t have a family of my own, and I know if I died today, while my family might mourn, truthfully I’m better off just not existing in their eyes anyway. I’m not responsible for anyone, and the single life is really boring. I just want to go back to Val-Terra honestly. This planet, which will always be a planet of suffering, isn’t getting any better and it’s just one sh*tshow after the next. I hear ya sister…I do.

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I don’t know what this val-terra thing is but other than that I feel the selfsame

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One of my pastors in Virginia, preaching about life after death, said that some people think that death is followed by oblivion. That’s not what I believe, but oblivion sounded good compared to my life at the time. Other people seek oblivion through drugs or alcohol or by continuous entertainment and distraction. I guess it’s a common feeling.

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I once took a similar topic to Jesus in prayer and he said it hurt his feelings like someone had stabbed him. I felt so bad!
Sometimes you cannot give into such selfish feelings and CHOSE to be grateful for the life you have been given, your feelings will follow after you make that decision.

There is a reason and a purpose for everything that exists including you, sometimes you can’t see it but step back for a minute and look at it in the context of the bigger picture and realize that the kind of attitude you are fostering is born out of arrogance and selfishness.

You are more valuable and loved than words can express.

Sorry if I was a little blunt, but so was your question.

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I don’t believe that God wills everything in existence with such intent and purpose. Most people are completely irrelevant to the larger scheme of things, this bigger picture that you spoke of, and there are people in certain countries like Nepal who live a life of poverty and die in vain, these people never even hear of Jesus, so what purpose did God for them? The truth is that he didn’t, because if he had I’d surmise that it would have unraveled being all powerful as he is. So he either had no plans for them or he is not all powerful. Because if he had, he would find a way in his omnipotence for those plans to be unraveled, but he didn’t. If you believe that God has a purpose for everyone then you believe he creates some people to just suffer and naught more. I know this is an unnerving thought to so many people but a lot of things are just arbitrary.

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Your questioning, in verbalised form, is coming from an inner desire that sees this world as one of suffering and which you deem unfair.

The constructive element underlined is not advice, but a point made: that were you to see this world as splendid then you would not be measuring existence up to a standard.

The fact that you don’t think the world is at rights, means you desire more. And that must consequentially mean the standard if not of this world is kept somewhere else. Did Christ not say to Pilot, ‘My kingdom is not of this world’. Did he not speak of the Beatitudes.

It means that you have not entered onto a false path, the wide gate, Modernism in contemporary times.

And it means that you notice suffering.

Some saints always felt they were going to Hell and so probably had to combat despair.

Why did God create you? Why give you the soul you have?

St. Paul, of Scripture, said that being a Christian is like being in the army. But how, at times when you are sitting wondering why the world is the way it is. What good can that do? How can your existence be justified by sitting around feeling bad about the world gone bad.

St. Pope Paul VI said in an encyclical that God must have on some level permitted evil. God is, after all, the Alpha and Omega…God knows what awaits those who put Heaven, first.

Therefore, what is putting Heaven first and how can we do that when being aware of so much grief and these torments upon humanity caused in part by other people out of neglect and cruelty?

I believe in (a) purpose.

One’s emotions are more often than not, not in sync with our inner desires. And so, maybe your dismay concerning this world not being in a utopian state is a sign in fact that your hope is in somewhere else.

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Thank you for this exhaustive theological and philosophical rebuttal, albeit it is as welcome as a sermon at a feast. I strictly adverted to the fact that I do not want advice nor do I want a debate. I only looked for some empathy. Naught more. Your counsel bears all the relevance of a puff of wind

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People wallowing in self-pity is a feast?!

I don’t empathise and neither do I engage in flattery.

You did actually say not to advise. Nothing about debate.

Read it or don’t. But your question didn’t deserve reaction and so I posted what I thought. It is a public forum and so…tough, quite frankly. You could become a Buddhist?

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I’m sorry for your suffering; however your words demonstrate that you don’t really know God.

Let me tell you this, each and every individual that God created has reason, purpose, dignity and value beyond anything that you can imagine.

If you were the only person in this entire miserable world who needed Christ’s sacrifice, he would not have hesitated to carry that cross just for you. His love for each of us is so intimate and deep that it would overwhelm you beyond words.

I’m sorry, but I cannot validate anything that you said because I do know Him and I have experienced His love and seen His hand at work in my life and I can say with certainty that everything He does has trifold purpose and precision.

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You need to work on your reading comprehension

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Forgive me for failing to consult your personal theological authority before describing my own experience. I did not ask you to validate my beliefs, nor did I ask you to preach at me. I was expressing something deeply personal, and you chose to answer it by correcting my theology and informing me that YOUR experience of God gives you “certainty” about mine. If your response to another person’s suffering is to invalidate it because it conflicts with your own understanding of God, perhaps it is worth considering whether the compassion you speak of has made quite as much progress as your certainty. But by all means, continue enjoying the considerable privilege of having everything make perfect sense to you. Good for you. Truly. I hope it remains as comforting as it appears to be. How fortunate for you then that there are people whose suffering can be held up as a contrast against which your own relationship with God appears so wonderfully complete

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“You need to work on your reading comprehension.”

My words, beforehand:

“The constructive element underlined is not advice, but a point made.”

Take you own…erm, “advice”. :laughing:

Your question is pointless. You don’t seek remedial action, at all. You’re just moaning. And want people who like to moan, moan with you. If someone who was not a Catholic but was thinking about Catholicism came onto this forum, it would be an embarrassment.

What you are really asking, is: Are there any other depressives around who can validate my presently bleak perception?

“Jesus is my saviour”. I’m just wondering about this comment, as well. Christ is the Saviour of Mankind (or ‘Humankind’ if you want to be pedantic), yes, and He, as God does, treat each person individually, as they need to be, as well as being present on a communal level, while you are starting to sound like one of the …“My personal saviour” jargon-heads from denominational churches.

I bet you have a guitar by you and Christian songbook on a stand.

You want a pat on the back? A certificate?

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‘‘You should become a buddhist, I bet you have a guitar by you and Christian songbook on a stand, you’re just moaning, you are an embarrassment.’’

How splendidly christian and compassionate of you

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I’m not full of flattery. And while I take life seriously, I don’t take myself too seriously.

If you want to depress everyone, go ahead. But you should be able to take criticism. If you can’t then you’re just a jargon-head in need of prescription drugs. Either that, or stop being proud and very openly seek advice. You were already talking about what to do because you felt abandoned in another threat and yet in that thread you were being constructive. I bet you haven’t even taken any advice and here you are, moaning. Complaining for the sake of it, is just idle. You’re saying this world is bad and yet all you do is complain. Remarkable.

You don’t want advice. You don’t want compassion. Compassion is not served by those helping only to sustain your current miserable state. You have contradicted yourself a second time.

And you are miserable. It is evident. But you don’t want to do be active, so I can’t empathise. I could empathise if you were constructive while utterly miserable. Not because I am miserable but because I could try and put myself into your shoes. But I don’t want to. Because you just want to be miserable for the sake of it.

So, what are you dealing out to others in this grand feast - Valium? Some philosophy stemming from the Enlightenment?