Well….I was never loved for exactly who I am. Yes I believe in a God, but on this planet love doesn’t exist. It’s manufactured at best, and pretends to care about you, and then when you decide you want to change your beliefs on certain things, then your own family and even a few of your friends that are now ex-friends can’t deal with you.
I was never loved in this life to begin with by anyone physically around me. All it was, was a bunch of people who thought they could change me. I was born with a stutter and I cannot tell you how many times I was reminded that I stutter. It would take everything not to counter with “Gee, I’ve only stuttered since I was a little kid. Thanks for reminding me of the speech impediment I have, how thoughtful of you
.”
It’s sad but the moment you don’t go to Church anymore, and the moment that you have found your own truth and are constantly being criticized about how something deeply resonates with you so much that Catholicism never did, you realize who really cares about you. In my family, I’m the black sheep. I still believe in God and even Jesus, yet I am looked down upon all because of my opinions. It’s probably one of the most shallowest things a hueman being can do to a person. And them my Dad wonders why everything around me I believe is an illusion. Because this isn’t what love is. I’m not saying I want my Dad to innerstand what it is I believe, cause that’s expecting too much, and it’s not being realistic either. But, I also don’t like it that the moment I talk about my beliefs, everyone looks at eachother smiling like I’m the crazy person. If this is what love looks like, count me out. This is terrible….these are the same people who don’t like it when someone criticizes them for their beliefs, but yet it’s ok to laugh openly and in front of me when I speak about some of the things I believe in.
This Earth is a cesspool. We all know who the god of this world is right? I’m not saying I’m this good person (cause I have done bad things before too, I’m no saint), but would it hurt to maintain some level of self-control and not just laugh in front of me where everyone can see it. I hate living here. Just the system we live in is all about feeding the hueman ego. Here in America we condone bad behavior, in some instances we even award it (work in retail, you’ll see what I mean).
The only being who actually gives 2 shits about me is God. No hueman being I know on this planet actually loves people, like truly loves them, not makes fun of them, or dehumanizes them, etc… No, the only being in my life that has loved me is God, cause God made me and he made me beautifully. I keep saying to God to come down here and hug me so I can cry in his arms for 24 hours. I don’t like it here. When I was a Catholic, no one wanted anything to do with me except my family, and then when I change my beliefs, now no one really wants me except God. It just comes to show you that hueman beings aren’t capable of loving someone they don’t innerstand. Again, I’m not looking for acceptance, love isn’t always about acceptance, but what I want is a little respect is all. Ok, so you don’t believe me, wonderful….so do me a favor, please don’t bully me. And if that’s hard for you to do, then you need to physically walk away, cause I don’t wanna see you make fun of me quite literally in front of my face.
I’m 36 years old and this place is Godless. I just wanna be having adventures with Jesus, f*** this place….