Any others here who were married (not in the Catholic church), divorced, and years later became Catholic?
Annulment is not an option for me; I’ve thought it through at great length and discussed it with my Priest. My spouse is still alive so remarriage is not possible.
This is my cross to carry I suppose. I’m ok with carrying it but it sure would be nice to find others who are in the same situation to discuss feelings and support each other.
I am not the best person to respond to this. I feel for individuals in your situation.
I have a neighbor-friend who was Mormon. She met a man who was also Mormon, however, after they were Married he was not the man he presented himself to be before they were Married. They got divorced. Her second husband (who was not Mormon) cheated on her with another woman and he did not want to put in the effort to improve his behavior, so that was her second Marriage. Now she is with a very nice guy who treats her well. She wants to get Married, but he is not in a rush. But, they just had a child together and he treats her other daughter like his own.
They do not go to Church and I want to invite them, but if they ever were to want to get Married in the Church, the annulment process would be painful, but I believe rewarding in the end.
Marriage is not a contract. Marriage is a covenant. Christ compares his relationship with the church (you and me) like that of a husband and a wife. Jesus never gives up on his bride, even though his bride might go outside of the covenant and do him dirty. On the other hand, Jesus also would not abuse us like some in Marriages have been mistreated either.
Even-though you may at this time feel very lonely, know that there are other ways that you can serve your true spouse (Jesus) and in doing so, you will not always be lonely.
If you lived closer to us, you could so come to our Games Nights. We invite our friends over to play board games about once a month. It is so much fun : )
Go to your diocesan authorities. If you were not married in the Church, the union was never recognized, so there is nothing to annul. If you are a Catholic now, with all of your sacraments- welcome home, by the way- you might be able to marry in the Church. Do not give it up-check it out. Blessings.
I was married in the (Protestant) church. I’ve been through all of this, checked it out with my Priest, and annulment just isn’t an option, if I’m being intellectually honest.
I appreciate the thoughts. I am ok with things as they are, just looking for others in this same situation to converse with.
Actually, the Church recognizes non-Catholic Marriages (if both are not Catholic at the time of Marriage). If one is Catholic at the time and he/she does not get a proper dispensation to get Married outside the Church, then the Marriage is not recognized. So, it would kind of depend on if her Husband was Catholic at the Time.
The Pillar podcast did a great deep-dive into whom Donald John Trump is actually Married to:
To my understanding, the recognizes the marriage of non-Catholics as LEGAL, not as a SACRAMENT.
Is there a cannon lawyer in the house to clarify this for us? : )
All,
I appreciate all of the input here… but I’m not looking for a “way out” of the situation. It is what it is.
I’m just interested in hearing from others who are in a like situation, to maybe converse some. That’s all.
The Church presumes all marriages are valid regardless of where the ceremony took place or the faith, if any, of the spouses. If two Christians marry and they convert to the Catholic Church, their marriage is not only valid, but also sacramental, given there were/are no impediments such as a prior marriage.
I understand. I was married for 4 years to a very, very cruel and abusive man. We had two children and I left him when it became clear he would turn his abuse on them. I have been divorced for 42 years and there were times I thought about an annulment. But that would have meant bringing him into the picture and I couldn’t bear that. I just found out he died this fall. I doubt very much if I will remarry and yes, the loneliness can hurt a lot but it’s my cross to bear and being alone is so much better than being abused.
Well said. My Dad was verbally abusive towards my mother. Only once did I see him push her, but the image of my little face peeking around the doorway of the adjoining room to see if nice dad or mean daddy was home haunted him until his passing. My Dad was addicted to the bottle. When he was sober, he was a great Dad. But, when he had too much to drink, is when things got scary. He and my Mom got divorced when I was young. She did seek an annulment, but the process put a strain on her relationship with the Church. When she met my step-Dad, she converted to Presbyterianism until Pastor Bob converted to Eastern Orthodoxy. They then joined non-Denominational Church where they still attend. I Pray that my Mom one day returns to Christ’s gift of the Eucharist.
I do miss my Dad dearly and he tired his best to apologize for the times he made mistakes, but he just could not give up the alcohol.
My heart goes out to you as I know exactly what you went through. I am also determined to bear this because I know that my marriage was a valid one.
It is truly heartbreaking though when you’re going through it.
(Sorry this was supposed to be in reply to KyPerson’s post).
I was “married” in a Protestant church before my conversion to Catholicism. Without airing dirty laundry, things got so bad that my priest, a msgr., told me it was time to end things. I immediately filed for an anullment once my civil divorce was granted. I was in my mid-20s at the time and was preparing myself for the possibility that I would have to be single the rest of my life if the Church denied my petition. Thankfully, the anullment was granted.
The fact that you were willing to do it anyway, shows great faith.
was married in a (pentecostal) church to a woman whose husband had just left the church ½ year earlier. It was a couple who were in the leadership group. The pastor decided that her husband had now become an unbeliever since he had left the church. Therefore she was free to marry another. For me it was not totally freewill. I felt under great threat. The marriage lasted for 2½ years. It is now 20 years ago. I am 55 and probably not eligible for a marriage anyway.
My priest has told me “you can get an annulment, but dont get married”. For me that has been a stopping point.
I do see that married life may mean just a new kind of trouble. Not necessarily a blessing if not the two really love each other. But yes, would be interesting to have the option to find a spouse.
I would seek out the annulment if I were you. Chances are your first Marriage was invalid (if she was still Married to her first Husband in the eyes of the Church).
As far as “remarrying,” God said in Genesis 2, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suited to him.” This was in reference to Adam specifically, however, Adam also represents mankind.
Or if you are being called to join Religious Life. My cousin is a Franciscan Brother and he serves God and many who have been discarded by society. And he is definitely not alone. He has other Brothers who have also been called to serve beside him.
Some have talked about a vocation to the Single Life. I know less about this, but something you could research as well.
I will Pray that God will give you direction in this : )
Hi, I’m answering super late, so this is for whomever is still around and reading this. My parents went through this. My (step) dad was Jewish at the time he married another woman. They were still Jewish when they divorced. He did not have to pursue an annulment because they weren’t Catholic at the time of the marriage. I realize the OP doesn’t want advice, but it’s useful for anyone reading this to know that when in doubt, you should seek the advice of a cannon lawyer.
As for spending life unmarried, there are a lot of ways to connect with others of your faith, including Holy Orders or lay orders. If you’re male, Knights of Columbus has provided community and meaning for a lot of single, widowed, and divorced men. Not having a marriage to tend to can free you up to serve in a lot of ministries, so pray for direction here.
I was married in a Catholic Church and years later divorced. She was terrible to me. I guess it really doesn’t matter why we divorced but I’ve been away from the church since. I would love to come back but I’m not sure if I can. Can someone help me understand?
Hi @KennyA! Welcome to the forum!
It is good that you are responding to the Holy Spirit and looking to be reunited with the Body of Christ.
There is always a way to return. But, depending on your situation, it may be challenging and require great sacrifice.
You have asked help in understanding, which is very good. May I ask what in particular you are trying to understand?