Divorced + Becoming Catholic later = Lonely

Catholic Living Spirituality
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@KennyA

Kenny, you can definitely come back to the church and you will be welcomed.

I suggest you contact the parish of your choice and make an appointment to meet with the Priest to discuss your situation.

I can guarantee you that the Lord wants you to be a part of His church and He will support and help you.

Please feel free to reach out to me privately if you wish to discuss in a more private fashion. I’d be happy to relay my own experience. As @CanadianPriest noted there will likely be transition and sacrifice but you will get through it. Keep in mind that we each have X number of years left in this life, which is a literal drop in the bucket compared to the millions of years of eternity in the next life. For me that helps me keep things in perspective and keeps me going.

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I have a question, not for myself but for a friend. She was married fresh out of high school to a guy who turned out to be an abuser. She divorced this man-the marriage only lasted maybe a year and a half. No one from her home town will bear witness to what happen the marriage because they are afraid of this man and the power he wields in the community. Neither of them were catholic. So she has remarried a catholic man and has been married to this man for 40 years and has two gown children. She attempted confirmation several years and shied away from the specter of having to have contact with him again. She is currently going through OCIA again. She has an advocate that insists that she has to confront this man and jump through the usual hoops to get an annulment. She is staying in and going through confirmation but is heartbroken that she cannot receive the holy Eucharist. This scenario just seems wrong to me. I too am going through OCIA and anticipate with joy receiving the holy Eucharist and the other sacraments. I understand the sacredness of marriage now and understand why divorce is so serious. What are your thoughts??

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I will volley this one over to @CanadianPriest, who is much more knowledgeable and pastoral than I could be. I will Pray for your friend.

At every Mass, I Pray for not only those who receive the Holy Eucharist unworthily (and sometimes this includes myself), but also for those who, in their obedience, do not receive, that they might be even more united in (spiritual) Communion with the body of Christ than I, and that the Holy Spirit will walk with them through the steps they need to take to one day receive our Lord in Eucharistic affection.

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That is lovely. I thank you for your thoughtful response and will say a pray for you. God bless!

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Receiving Communion unworthily: about 40 years ago I was a Eucharistic minister in the parish I belonged to. The instructor of the class for Eucharistic ministers, as I recall, asked, “Have you ever received Communion unworthily?” One trainee (one of the holy women of the parish) answered, “Every time.” I thought that was a great answer (and not denying that some people should not be receiving Communion). Am I ever worthy? I think not.

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Hi @Sam40. I am very sorry that your friend is in this difficult situation.

(And thank you @Cade_One for tagging me. I have not been very active on here lately.)

Before I would respond, I would like to mention that there are a lot of things I don’t know about the situation that could be relevant.

I have had to keep re-writing my answer because a lot is confusing me about this situation:
-Why is she being prepared for Confirmation if she cannot receive Holy Communion? (That seems highly unusual.)
-Why is her advocate (which I assume is another word for sponsor) speaking to her about this rather than the parish priest (or another clergyman or a parish staff member)?
-Has there been any conversation with the parish priest about this?

So please pardon me if this seems like a rather sprawling answer.

It is true that someone in an irregular marital situation (or anyone who is publicly living in a seriously sinful situation) ought not to receive the sacraments. This is in accord with the ancient tradition of the Church. In my own diocese we have a policy of not admitting candidates into OCIA until any marital irregularities are resolved.

Basically, the options of leaving an irregular marital situation are: a) separation; or b) seeking a remedy through the marriage tribunal (or whatever it may be called in your locale).

[Also, I assume that to “confront” the man would mean to reach out and ask for his contact info, since - as far as I know - decree of nullity cases do not require direct confrontation between the two parties (however, they both usually have the right to know that the process is taking place).]

In my diocese, the marriage tribunal is open to processing cases for a decree of nullity without informing the other party if there is a serious reason to do so. It’s possible that the local marriage tribunal might be willing to considering doing likewise.

If her advocate is indeed her sponsor (as I have assumed), it seems unlikely that the advocate would be the best person with whom your friend should discuss the decree of nullity process. The advocate sounds like a faithful Catholic and is right that your friend cannot be in an irregular marital situation. However, the advocate probably does not have as much information about how the marriage tribunal works as others do.

This should be discussed with the parish priest. Or, if the parish priest has been tried but found wanting, then your friend can contact the local marriage tribunal directly.

With regard to the fact that you feel that the situation seems wrong: I agree that this is not a good situation. The advocate is right that your friend ought not to receive Holy Communion at the present time. But I think this should have been addressed before your friend was allowed into the program.

Please be assured of my prayers for all involved.