Thanks for sharing… I too lack personal experience, but the results you shared identify a critical problem within Catholicism, namely, a near total complete lack of teaching what we believe and HOW we can believe it… I am near 81, a lifetime Catholic, and an active catechist. Until and unless the significance of the Real Presence is ingrained from the pulpit, the exodus of “catholics”, one needs to Be an Informed and fully practice to justify the title of “Catholic”.
My annulment process was bad and it caused much division between my wife and me. The first Diocese took only three months to declare the marriage null and void. Overturned by the court of second instance. The Diocese of Portland Oregon worked three years but couldn’t find any reason to decide that the marriage wasn’t valid. My wife seemed to blame me for the decision. Bad news all around. A scandal to the Catholic Church. It’s difficult for me not to agree with Protestants who call annulments “the Catholic Divorce.” Much more if desired.
First, I want to say that I’m sorry that you had a bad experience.
Second, welcome to the Forum.
Third, I’m having trouble following the events that you described. When you say “Wife” are you referring to your current Wife or the Wife of a previous Marriage?
Just so I am understanding you correctly, either you or your current Wife was previously Married and went through the annulment process prior to Marrying your current Wife? Is this correct? That previous Marriage was deemed null, but then later over-ruled upon further review?
Or the second understanding is that there was one Marriage to your only Wife, who wanted a Civil Divorce and then went through the Annulment process, which was first granted, but later overturned. If this is the case, was your Wife mad at you, because you challenged the ruling and thus it went back for further review and the Marriage was found to be valid?
Forgive me if I’m not understanding your explanation. In the first case, I do not see how it is like “Catholic Divorce.” The Church determined your first Marriage to be valid upon further review. In the second case, you are still Married to your Wife, whom I assume is not happy about that.
Or is the reality of the situation something other than I have understood in these two scenarios?
I have to admit I’m confused by your post here. How long ago did this happen? There used to be an “automatic appeal” process where if a declaration of nullity was given, it would automatically be sent to another tribunal for review. (This process was abolished by Pope Francis.) Was this the reason why your case was heard twice, or did you (or the defender of the bond) choose to appeal, thus leading to your wife blaming you?
While I agree that there have been serious problems with how nullity cases have been handled for the past several decades, thus leading to the widespread but incorrect perception that a declaration of nullity is a “Catholic divorce,” it doesn’t sound like anything was mishandled here. It sounds like the second instance tribunal actually took the case seriously—and if the case arrived on their desk because of an automatic appeal, I am actually quite surprised. When that process still existed, many second instance judges would ask, “Is the first instance decree signed and dated? Great—confirm it.” One would expect Pope Francis’ reform to lessen the rigor of the nullity process, but it actually forced first instance judges to take things more seriously.
This was obviously an unpleasant experience for you and your wife, but it doesn’t sound like the tribunals actually committed any wrongdoing or caused any scandal. In any case, very few people petition for nullity unless their marriage has already broken down, and so emotions are usually running quite high in these situations. While there are many valid criticisms of bad tribunals, judges, canonists, etc., we have to ensure that those criticisms are well-founded and warranted.
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This was the reason for my post. Well, two reasons really. One is to get individuals to place their emotions under God’s mantle (so to speak) during this process. Second is to get young Christians to truly discern Marriage and whom they are Marrying.
The Catholic Church takes Marriage seriously and Biblically. I am sometimes dumbfounded by how many “Bible-believing” Christians ignore what the Bible says in regards to Marriage & Divorce. Many will say that one can break their covenant with their spouse, while at the same time say that one cannot break their covenant with God (and lose their salvation). Jesus compares His relationship with the church (Ephesians 5:31-32) as that of a Husband and a Wife. “What God has joined together, let no man separate” (Matthew 19:6; Mark 10:9).
If God has not joined two individuals to Marry, but they did so themselves with impediments or chose to be “Married” in an invalid form, then the Marriage could be null. This is what the tribunal is trying to investigate in the Annulment process. If a Marriage is valid, then it is forever “as the two shall live.” And just as one can walk away from Christ, it is not to be celebrated. And if one joins a covenant with a false god (or spouse) other than, he/she is committing an offense.
There are valid reasons to remove yourself from a violent situation. If a Husband is not honoring Ephesians 5:25, then the Wife may, for her own safety and the safety of her children, remove herself and the children from a dangerous situation. I’m not telling anyone they must stay in an abusive relationship. Could this Marriage have been invalid from the start? It is possible, but there is also a possibility that it was valid. This, again, is what the tribunal would determine. Whether or not an annulment is granted or not, you should still be Praying for the husband. For he clearly has disordered issues or addictions and we should will the good for him. I am not saying that you must put yourself and/or your children back in that abusive environment if the Marriage is considered to be valid. And in this case, you would not be permitted to be validly Married to another, because you are already Married (though one is not honoring his Marital vows). Because you are Married, it would make any attempt at a valid Marriage with another invalid. If your Husband were to pass away (and don’t get any ideas), then you would be free to Marry and assuming you are doing it in the proper form and there are no hindrances (and the one you are Marrying is not validly Married to someone else).
I agree. Well said.
If there are two points I hope that individuals take from this conversation is that Marriage is important and should be treated seriously. And even if things do not go the way we had hoped or imagined it would, we are still called to love and will the good of another. Holding onto bitterness is not good for the soul and is a form of mental and spiritual enslavement. Seek and trust God in the process. It does not mean things will go the way we want them to or think they ought. It means no matter what happens, God loves me. And He loves all who are involved. How each responds to His love is out of our control (except for how I respond to His grace and to certain Biblical truths).
"We do not really want a religion that is right where we are right. What we want is a religion that is right where we are wrong. We do not want, as the newspapers say, a church that will move with the world. We want a church that will move the world.” — G. K. Chesterton
When Christians start to take Marriage seriously again, the culture will either reject God’s definition of Marriage even more than she does, or she will be moved by the fruits of Christian Marriage. I believe in the beginning, they will reject God’s plan for Marriage and even mock it, but over time, the world’s definition of Marriage will seem dull and barren. It will be seen for what it is. A counterfeit version of something real. Remain hopeful. For God’s ways are greater than our ways.
That’s the point that many Catholics miss. The Church has been overrun with so much unnecessary bureaucracy and red tape that this has a tendency to obscure her essential nature as the Bride of Christ. People see the Church as an “it” instead of a “she,” and this also leads to them viewing God as a something rather than a someone. This problem is exacerbated by the lack of role models, both biological parents (due to broken homes) and spiritual parents. There are not enough consecrated virgins (spiritual mothers) who image the Church. Pastors get transferred frequently because although canon 522 states that they should possess stability of office, bishops’ conferences are also permitted to appoint them for a predetermined period (I believe it’s six years in the US), thus not allowing them to truly act as spiritual fathers.
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@DLW, I love everything you have said here! The church where my brother lives loved their Priest! They petitioned their Bishop to allow him to stay and not be re-assigned elsewhere after the six years and the Bishop granted it! I thought that was wonderful : )
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