I was married in a Lutheran church 33 years ago. I have been catholic my entire life, including catholic schools. I went to confession about 15 years ago and the priest who I never met before, would not listen to my confession because I was not married with a catholic priest and I honestly told him I never knew that I was supposed to have a catholic priest involved. He just shooed me away with a wave like I was wasting his time. He even said that I was not really married?! Even though I have a Catholic background including school, and I belong to my neighborhood Catholic Church. My husband actually goes with me most times. A priest actually counseled us when we were having marital problems in 2010. My marriage has lasted because I believe that we are married until death parts us. But the church takes my contributions? Iām just confused! Have I been unmarried in Gods eyes? What is the answer to this? Does anyone have a good resource to help me?
Well, I really donāt have an answer for you. This sounds like one of Catholicismās stupid rules. Why does it matter? Youāre literally going in there to confess your sins. This is just another shining example of religion trying to divide people. Like, sorry Catholicism but people get married sometimes to someone of a different religion. Shockerā¦I knowā¦.but not every Catholic is going to marry another Catholic and not every Catholic is going to get married under a Catholic Priest.
I swear, sometimes Catholicism reminds me of that really snobby high school it girl. āYou didnāt wear pink on Saturday, youāre not my friend anymore.ā Itās Confessionā¦.not a seance. I meanā¦really, whatās the big deal?
Honestlyā¦just go to a Priest who will listen to your Confession. Some of these rules are really retarded. Not everyone who is Catholic gets married under a Catholic Priest 
Iām just confused because he didnāt give me any advice about how to remedy the situation. My son is 28 years old and he was baptized Lutheran. He on a whim one Saturday evening went to Catholic Church with me, and he absolutely loved it! He really felt something inside his heart 
. He is going to be converting to Catholicism and he absolutely is excited about the real religion, as he describes it. The true religion he never knew existed. So far he goes up for Ash Wednesday and he is looking forward to his classes. And I am very happy for him. But I donāt want him to think that his father and I are not truly married! I do think I should look more into this. But I feel like an outsider who really doesnāt belong. I should have spoke up about it sooner. But my sonās realization that he wants this to be the rest of his life makes me feel like a phony.
Well, Iām not a Catholic anymore, and itās not just because of some of their retarded rules, like this one. Butā¦.if I remember correctly, in order for your marriage to be considered valid in the eyes of the Church, one of the things you have to do is to be wed by a Catholic Priest. Like I said, I could be wrong, because I donāt attend Church anymore, but Iām pretty sure thatās why that rule is in place.
Butā¦my thing is, if itās not a sin and itās not against the law, then whatās the big deal here? If anything we need more people to get married, because no one wants to be in a relationship anymore. Now they call it āsituationships" LOL! Like seriouslyā¦.the word relationship isnāt good enough for you anymore? LOLā¦.oh well, but you get what I mean.
Butā¦other than that, congratulations to your son! How exciting! Itās awesome when someone has a passion! And what better passion than God right?! Thatās so awesome! I hope he continues to have a love for God for the rest of his life!
Wow, a federal employee huh? I couldnāt do that. I couldnāt work with corrupt peopleā¦.the less corruption the better.
And glad that he has a loving kindness to every living creature. Every creature, from the tiniest insect, to the biggest fauna has a soul, and to kill an insect is to kill a beautiful creation of God. I always try to pick up something I donāt want in my house and put it down gently in the grass. Because, that insect has a family too.
Blissings to you and your family. Iām glad that your son seeks God. Hope all turns out well for you and your son!
The Catholic Catechism says, āThe parties to a marriage covenant are a baptized man and woman, free to contract marriage, who freely express their consent; āto be freeā means: - not being under constraint; - not impeded by any natural or ecclesiastical law.ā Clearly yours is a valid marriage. It was not a Catholic marriage, being held in a Lutheran church. It broke the rule that you are supposed to get permission from the Catholic church before marrying a non-Catholic. The church, or at least the priests you talked to, might not consider you Catholic any more. But as you said, they accept your donations, and, more important, you are seeking Godās will. My opinion: they should be glad to have you and should readily give you retroactive permission. You have 33 years as proof that your marriage has not drawn you away from God or the Catholic Church.
Thank you! You also. My husband refuses to kill a beetle or anything. We live in the woods and every creature goes out through the door. I think Iām going to leave my church. I canāt stand the way politics is so involved in religion.
Wellā¦.like Iāve said before, I will never tell someone to not join the Catholic religion. Cause, the fact of the matter is, Iām sure it can help someone.
The reason I left is because, it was getting to a point where I had more questions than answers. And, when you get to a point like that, it makes the religion look bad. Iām not saying that Catholicism is this terrible religion, but when you canāt get a straight answer to something, and you literally go day in and day out with nothing but questions about things, and you find out that thereās a possibility that Catholicism is hiding something, I just couldnāt in good faith go there anymore. Too many unanswered questions, and after a while it felt a little sinister, not going to lie.
I went and found the truth for myself. A lot oAf the questions that Catholicism couldnāt answer, I found the answer to it. The thing of it is, is that, God leaves nothing to the imagination. God is light ok? And because He is light, He will always show you the truth, in ALL THINGS! When I tell people that Iām Spiritual, Iām always branded as some demon worshipper, who is very heretical. Iāve been told every name in the book, everything but my actual name LOL! But, something I have observed is that, most people do not desire to know the real truth. If people did, theyād get to know me and what it is I actually do, but thatās part of the problem. People are so quick to label other people as good or bad without actually trying to get to know them. Iāve learned that some things that people as good, can be very evil. And what some people label evil, can be very good.
I donāt go through life labeling something good or bad. Instead, I become the observer. I like to think of myself as a Spiritual Scientist. I look at something and I think āWhat can I learn from this?ā Now, letās use some common sense, if something is against the law, most people will not break the law right? Now, there are some things that are against the law that are questionable but, for the most part, no one in their right mind will willingly break the law. Butā¦.if something isnāt breaking the law, instead of just going along with what everyone says is evil, instead observe it. Get to know your subject. Think for yourself, donāt just go along with what others say just because other say it. Do the research yourself. Get to know the subject in question yourself. And based on what it is you observe, come to your own conclusions.
I sat and questioned everything I was ever taught, not just by my teachers, but by my parents as well. I thought āI wanna know what it is I truly believe in. I want to know the truth, and I want to find the truth for myself.ā So, I sat down, and I started from when I was a child up till now (36 years of age) and I put everything Iāve ever been taught, from subjects at school, from what my parents taught me, and I went through every single thing. And when you question something enough, you do eventually get your answer, but youāve gotta search for it. Itās not going to come to you. But youāve got to really search for the truth.
Something I donāt care for is relying on someone else for your answers. From a very young age thatās what we were told. If someone is a Priest, oh theyāre so holy! They went to Seminary, they usually have a calling! So, they would know so much more about the supernatural than we would! Theyāre so well-versed and they got a Theology degree. Oh we should definitely listen to that Priest, cause he just knows so much! And my thing isā¦.bull! I call bull! You mean to tell me that I have to put my trust in someone I know nothing about? Ok, so he got a degree in Theology, wonderful, so what were his grades in school? Did he get a C average? What about his parents? Who did they hang out with? What about them? Who did they hang out with? What does this Priest value?
You see, throughout our entire life weāre told to leave the facts to the experts. And my thing is āSo Iām just supposed to blindly put my faith and trust into someone I know nothing about? History has shown us that there have been bad Priests, so why should I just blindly believe someone who has a degree in Theology? I need to know more about this person before I just take what they say at face value.ā Iām not saying Priests are bad on default, but especially nowadays, you simply cannot trust anyone. And thereās so many half-truths out there that people fall so easily for. But thatās because people are programmed to not be able to think for themselves. People literally do not want to think at all for themselves anymore, and thatās the sad part about this world we live in. Likeā¦.hereās a very simple example that most people donāt think about. Have you ever questioned what it is you learn in school? You do realize that the people who publish these textbooks, that thereās not just one person putting information in a textbook, but multiple people. So multiple people are putting information in these textbooks. So who in the heck are these people? You mean to tell me Iām supposed to trust what 20 people put in a textbook and just accept it as gospel truth? How do I know those people have my best intentions at heart? And yeahā¦these are things that as a society we just accept as a norm, and yeah, maybe the people who put information in a textbook can be trusted, but you wonāt really know unless you do your research will ya?
So, I wanted to know the answers to a lot of questions I have. So what I did was I tested certain things. And anyone is capable of doing this. If you want to know more about something, run a test! And Iāve found that some of the sh*t theyāre teaching in the schools is a half-truth at best. And you have to remember, I was born in the 80ās, so when I went to school, I didnāt have CRT or some of these messed up idealogies growing up. Noā¦even the stuff I learned is half-baked. Itās not the full truth! And if people knew how many half-truths weāve bought into, itās nuts! I mean, basically whatās going on is, the newer generations are having to suffer what the older generations have bought into. The only reason why we have to work our a**es off is because the older generations have unanimously agreed to this! Well, I donāt agree to this. I have no problem with hard work, but this work/play balance that people talk about all the time doesnāt exist. You work 90% of the time and play 10% of the time. And some people work everyday period! But yetā¦.what do you notice thatās going on? APATHY! āWell thatās just how itās always been.ā Yeah, but it DOESNāT HAVE TO BE THIS WAY!!! We donāt have to work ourselves to Oblivion, but as long as we hold this mindset that āItās just the way things areā then obviously weāre not going to get anywhere. People live their lives like theyāre in some trance, and itās scary!
I could say so much more, but the main thing is, think for yourself! To rely on mankind for anything is foolhardy! Think for yourself! Every answer to every single question you have in this life DOES have an answer. The question is, how far will you go to get it answered? Cause as long as youāre willing to take the steps necessary to receive an answer, you WILL get your answer. It might not be obvious at first, but in time, things will become more clearer! Iāve learned so much more about this life than I ever have when I was in school. Itās sad, but itās the truth! The truth will set you free, but many people are not ready to know the truth. The truth is more ugly, filthy, and nasty than anything. Iāve learned that the truth is more ugly than even sinā¦thatās how messed up our world is.
My only advice is to follow your heart Elsa. Follow your heart, cause your heart is your soul relaying information to you. Many people disregard what their souls are trying to tell them. Follow your heart, your core! For within lies all the answers to all of lifeās tough questions. You just have to be open enough to receive the answers.
I think we are probably a lot alike. I love educating myself. Iām 57 but I love to know new things, new people new cultures. Iām going to let my son follow his path and Iāll follow mine. My husband was more religious than I was. Now heās an agnostic and he is a very very smart man of the sciences. He would never cut me down for my beliefs. But itās funny because we are so different. Heās this huge Norwegian who looks like he lifts weights and he has never joined a gym. And Iām this tiny little petite person that is a retired federal employee and retired advocate. I started a diversity committee at my local high school and I helped gay teens who were literally thrown out into the street for coming out. I would pay their rent help them get situated and be independent. The hardest thing for me was when young teens are explaining to me, how could my mom do that? My dad yeah but my mom? Iām very grateful to extend my love and resources for them. I just canāt understand how people can actually believe that this was a childās choice?! My best friends son came out in high school and almost succeeded in killing himself. But his friend called my girlfriend at work and told her what he was planning on doing. Do you know why he didnāt want to live? He said not because Iām gay mom, because I donāt want you to have to live with the consequences of who I am. I studied all about when parents have to make a choice between their child being female and male. Because they are born with both genitalia. So interesting. I would just say, Mother Nature is a mad scientist!!
Wellā¦I think differently, but one things for certain, real, true, and unconditional love is missing. Look at our world. Where is the love? Itās missing isnāt it? I mean, the fact that most households are dysfunctional is a very scary thing. What happened to us in the last 20 years?
Iāve said this once, and Iāll say it again, huemanity is stuck in a time loop. All weāre doing is repeating the past every single day. Instead of PRO-gressing, we are RE-gressing. Itās almost like we need to have a crash course in how to simply just get along with others. I mean, the fact that we have men AND women wanting to be the opposite sex because they canāt stand their own sex is SCARY! I mean, growing up, that was unheard of! Have we divided ourselves so much that weāve grown a hatred and a disgust towards our own sex?! Yikes!
I fear for the future. Thereās supposed to be an event that will happen where everyone around the world will have their world rocked so much to where, relying on other people will pretty much be mandatory, cause the alternative is death. But till that day arrives, the chaos is only going to increase and tensions are only going to grow. Weāre seeing just the beginnings of it. Huemanity is in for a rough rideā¦.
Yes , I understand what you mean. I was just saying that I felt compelled to do something, anything. I really donāt think I can be judge, jury and executioner. Who am I to say that I have all the answers? I donāt. But I helped those who needed me the most. At the time. I would not turn my back on anyone. I really donāt belong here. I will never believe that in this day and age, that a woman is supposed to just have sexual relations with her husband just to procreate? Ugh! I will never understand how any woman would be submissive to any man. No, no! I come from a long line of very strong women who worked. I hated maternity leave. I had to go be useful for my family. I canāt imagine having a house full of children and no money. And god does not provide. Nobody cares about you and your family but you. Iām sorry to say goodbye to all you wonderful people. But I donāt think 
I will be missed. You must think of me as a heathen. An evil doer. Oh my!
Sweetheart, all weāre doing is having a conversation. We can always agree to disagree. Just because we may not see eye to eye on certain things doesnāt mean we hate you, it just means we disagree is all. And, to be honest, I think itās really loving of you to help those homosexual men. Cause even though I disagree with that kind of thing, even those people need to be loved tooā¦probably more than straight men too if Iām being real.
Lookā¦I struggle with homosexual tendencies too. Itās not something Iām proud of to admit, but, itās the truth. So seeing someone care so much about people who are gay is really quite beautiful. I donāt think itās something that should be looked upon as normal though. In order for the hueman race to continue to exist, we need to have men and women having more children.
And, if Iām being completely honest with you, I consider myself a conservative person. It was funny because even when I ādatedā other men, I could never innerstand them. Most of them just wanted to be in my pants. None of them ever cared about me as a person. Most of them never cared about who I was as a person. All I was to a lot of them was eye candy, and to be honest, it made me feel less than hueman. I spent a whole week in the gay part of my state, and all it took was a week for me to never want to go back there ever again. I donāt want to be looked upon as an object, Iām a hueman being. Thereās so much more to me than my choice of partner. I value knowledge. I value all the things that a straight man values, like honor and self-accountability. Iām not just a gay man, Iām also a brother, a dreamer, a mystic, Iām all sorts of things, but it just always seemed like to me that all gay men want is sex. And, after a while, it gets boring. So all you want to talk about is sex? What about me as a person? What about other things? What about poor people in Africa who are lucky to get a meal everyday? What about the economy and how it needs to be fixed? Why did those people absolutely despise Catholics? Yes, LGBTQ+ people desire so badly to be accepted because theyāre different, and yet, those same people have trouble with Catholics who are different from them? Thatās not love, thatās a double standard, and all it does is further divide people.
Donāt leave. I was told to always stick up for what it is you believe in. Many times Iām the only one standing. You know exactly what it is Iām talking about, cause Iām sure you feel the same way. I can love you and disagree with you too, canāt I? All weāre doing is having a conversation, but many people donāt believe in discourse. Charlie Kirk was killed for his beliefs, and I would hope that every single person out there learns that talking about issues is important, and having a civil argument is paramount. Letās not let his death be in vain. Letās talk about these things. No oneās judging anyone here, all weāre doing is having conversation.
Donāt leave. Letās unite and stop it with the dividing! Itās so stupid to stay away or avoid someone who has a difference in beliefs. Letās learn how to look past someoneās beliefs and see someone as who they are. Labels are for soup, not huemans.
First, this Priest should have been a little more charitable. Priests are human and make mistakes. But, what is not a mistake is what he told you. Your Marriage is invalid in the eyes of the Church. If you are Catholic and you get Married outside the Church without a dispensation, then the Marriage is not a valid Marriage.
Second, not to defend the Priest, but he may have thought your response of, āI didnāt knowā was a lame excuse. It sounds like something a child might say if you ask him why he didnāt do his homework. āI donāt know.ā Iām not calling you a child, I am saying that maybe the Priest interpreted your response as an excuse.
How did this Priest know that you were not Married in the Catholic Church? Do you live in a small town where news travels fast or did you tell him? When did you tell him?
Lastly, validating a Marriage is pretty easy, if neither of you have been previously Married. Otherwise, one of you may still be technically Married to someone else and therefore living in adultery.
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Even though I have a Catholic background including school, and I belong to my neighborhood Catholic Church. My husband actually goes with me most times. A priest actually counseled us when we were having marital problems in 2010. My marriage has lasted because I believe that we are married until death parts us.
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It sounds like the Priest who counseled you did not do a very good job of getting to know you. Iām surprised the topic of where/how you were Married never came up. Or maybe it did and he was dismissive of it. From what I am gathering, this Priest who counseled you was a different Priest than you had encountered in Confession?
Would you be offended if they didnāt accept your contribution? Be honest.
The simple answer is maybe. But, in order to know this, more information is needed. As far as resources go, I would invite you to call Catholic Answers Live or visit Catholic.com.
Hope this helps.
I guess I have 2 questions?
- Is your husband validly baptized?
- Why didnāt you involved your parish pastor? Or did you?