I am in the process of converting from the Episcopal Church to the Roman Catholic Church. I have a valid trinitarian baptism that was accepted. As per the RCIA instructor my wife and I meet with monthly, I am to make my profession of faith and take communion at the April Vigil Mass.
The issue I have, is that I am in no way shape or form worthy enough to receive the Eucharist before going to confession and receiving absolution. I have pleaded with the instructor to allow me to make an appointment to confess, but he says I am unable to receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation until I am officially a Catholic. To me, since I made the decision to become Catholic wholeheartedly, this weighs on me. For my whole life I received communion as an Episcopalian and never thought twice about this, but ever since attending Catholic Mass all I can think about is how deeply I seek absolution because of my love and desire to be in communion with Christ when I take the Eucharist for the first time.
There are other people doing the structured OCIA program at our parish that have zero background in Christianity or have never been baptized. So, for them, the baptism at that mass will serve the purpose of cleansing their sin before they receive communion. However, I’m not being baptized, so where does that leave me? I would say, my entire life I have always practiced true repentance or perfect contrition through prayer…but is that enough if I know I am unworthy, or should a Priest allow me to take confession since I am validly baptized?
For the record, I absolutely love being Catholic (well soon to be Catholic); this is the absolute fulness of faith that I have been missing my entire life. I will say, however, that OCIA has been very frustrating at times. I do remedial workbooks, and write reviews of the Gospel from the mass we attend weekly and then submit them monthly to the instructor. I can honestly say that come April, there will have been zero difference in me making my profession of faith on that day, then it would have been for me to make the profession immediately in August when I started this journey with my family. I had already been studying Catholicism for a long time before making the decision, and once I had gone down that avenue, it was a no brainer. Additionally, the Episcopal Church (stemming from the Church of England which broke communion with King Henry then returned to communion with RCC under Queen Mary and then broke away again after her death) is extremely similar when it comes to liturgy and most of the Sacraments. The Eucharist at this point, just means so much to me, that I don’t know what the right course of action is?
Do I say, ok I’ll make my profession, but I’m crossing my arms one more time until I take part in the Sacrament of Reconciliation, or do I just trust in perfect contrition, take Communion and immediately schedule an appointment to confess asap?
It just cheapens the whole experience for me in April, I’ll feel as if I’m cheating because I’m carrying around burdens that I want freed. I did ask the Priest if I could just make my profession so I could confess and he referred me to the RCIA director. He is new to the parish and the RCIA director has been there for decades, so understandably I suppose he doesn’t want conflict. Thanks for any advice you have.