Ocd/scrupulosity/anxiety disorder/Autism and seeking treatment

Catholic Living
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As the title says, I have OCD based scrupulosity and it’s making life an uphill battle with .50 caliber bullets (obsessions) being sent my way. i’ve been this way for roughly 10 years and ive been drinking for roughly 8 of them (4 years this august). Compulsive prayer has been a constant since and it distressed me to the point of smoking marijuana. i’m currently battling marijuana addiction and am seeking treatment for OCD and I am seeking a spiritual director. The person I called told me to think of SSRIs as a gift from God.

I have level 1 autism as well and the constant compulsive prayer drains me like a vampire until it runs out blood and starts draining my soul. I have to take a nap during the day because my nervous system is both cokey and worn out at the same time.

The obsessions are 24/7 and they don’t stop unless i’m asleep or otherwise unconscious and they start up in the morning almost as if my brain was coking out 5 minutes before i wake and it freebases during the day, leaving to clean up the mess.

The OCD got so bad that at one point i can say i think i had a psychotic episode from the stress.

does anybody know of good coping mechanisms for OCD/ anxiety disorder? i’m kind of at the end of my rope (and have been so for a while.)

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Hello and welcome!

You have all my sympathy in this painful trial you are crossing. You’ll be in my prayers. I ask God that his hope may be a firm anchor for your soul through the storm, and that you may place all your trust in his name.

“Our help is in the name of the Lord, who made heaven and earth!”

I expect having a director will be a KEY component of your healing. You’ll likely need to let someone drive your moral boat for a while, to be obedient to a director, to help reeducate your conscience. You are like Paul having been knocked off his horse, now blind, and in need of a guide.

“And Saul arose from the ground; and when his eyes were opened, he saw nothing. But they leading him by the hands, brought him to Damascus” -Acts 9:8

God sent Ananias to Paul. And it’s through him that Paul recovered his sight.

I don’t know what you’ve already tried, what your tools are today, what help you are already getting.

Something I find helpful, and which you may find helpful as well, is to pray in song, let the music of the Church guide your heart in prayer, to let her words be your words.

Peace. :dove:

Hail, star of the sea,
Nurturing Mother of God,
And ever Virgin
Happy gate of Heaven

Receiving that “Ave”
From the mouth of Gabriel,
Establish us in peace,
Transforming the name of “Eva”

Loosen the chains of the guilty,
Send forth light to the blind,
Our evil do thou dispel,
Entreat (for us) all good things.

Show thyself to be a Mother:
Through thee may he receive prayer
Who, being born for us,
Undertook to be thine own.

O unique Virgin,
Meek above all others,
Make us, set free from (our) sins,
Meek and chaste.

Bestow a pure life,
Prepare a safe way:
That seeing Jesus,
We may ever rejoice.

Praise be to God the Father,
To the Most High Christ (be) glory,
To the Holy Spirit
(Be) honour, to the Three equally. Amen.

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You mention SSRI’s so I assume you’ve worked with a Psychiatrist. I would recommend you seek out a therapist that specializes in both autism specifically, and chemical dependency. Chemical dependency is prevalent in both autism and ADHD. Therapists that are not experienced in autism can be a disaster for autistics, so it’s important to find one that is experienced.