Ocd/scrupulosity/anxiety disorder/Autism and seeking treatment

Catholic Living
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As the title says, I have OCD based scrupulosity and it’s making life an uphill battle with .50 caliber bullets (obsessions) being sent my way. i’ve been this way for roughly 10 years and ive been drinking for roughly 8 of them (4 years this august). Compulsive prayer has been a constant since and it distressed me to the point of smoking marijuana. i’m currently battling marijuana addiction and am seeking treatment for OCD and I am seeking a spiritual director. The person I called told me to think of SSRIs as a gift from God.

I have level 1 autism as well and the constant compulsive prayer drains me like a vampire until it runs out blood and starts draining my soul. I have to take a nap during the day because my nervous system is both cokey and worn out at the same time.

The obsessions are 24/7 and they don’t stop unless i’m asleep or otherwise unconscious and they start up in the morning almost as if my brain was coking out 5 minutes before i wake and it freebases during the day, leaving to clean up the mess.

The OCD got so bad that at one point i can say i think i had a psychotic episode from the stress.

does anybody know of good coping mechanisms for OCD/ anxiety disorder? i’m kind of at the end of my rope (and have been so for a while.)

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Hello and welcome!

You have all my sympathy in this painful trial you are crossing. You’ll be in my prayers. I ask God that his hope may be a firm anchor for your soul through the storm, and that you may place all your trust in his name.

“Our help is in the name of the Lord, who made heaven and earth!”

I expect having a director will be a KEY component of your healing. You’ll likely need to let someone drive your moral boat for a while, to be obedient to a director, to help reeducate your conscience. You are like Paul having been knocked off his horse, now blind, and in need of a guide.

“And Saul arose from the ground; and when his eyes were opened, he saw nothing. But they leading him by the hands, brought him to Damascus” -Acts 9:8

God sent Ananias to Paul. And it’s through him that Paul recovered his sight.

I don’t know what you’ve already tried, what your tools are today, what help you are already getting.

Something I find helpful, and which you may find helpful as well, is to pray in song, let the music of the Church guide your heart in prayer, to let her words be your words.

Peace. :dove:

Hail, star of the sea,
Nurturing Mother of God,
And ever Virgin
Happy gate of Heaven

Receiving that “Ave”
From the mouth of Gabriel,
Establish us in peace,
Transforming the name of “Eva”

Loosen the chains of the guilty,
Send forth light to the blind,
Our evil do thou dispel,
Entreat (for us) all good things.

Show thyself to be a Mother:
Through thee may he receive prayer
Who, being born for us,
Undertook to be thine own.

O unique Virgin,
Meek above all others,
Make us, set free from (our) sins,
Meek and chaste.

Bestow a pure life,
Prepare a safe way:
That seeing Jesus,
We may ever rejoice.

Praise be to God the Father,
To the Most High Christ (be) glory,
To the Holy Spirit
(Be) honour, to the Three equally. Amen.

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You mention SSRI’s so I assume you’ve worked with a Psychiatrist. I would recommend you seek out a therapist that specializes in both autism specifically, and chemical dependency. Chemical dependency is prevalent in both autism and ADHD. Therapists that are not experienced in autism can be a disaster for autistics, so it’s important to find one that is experienced.

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I am the wrong person to ask, but I can say that I do not think drug-drugs are the answer.

Even your analogy was around drug-speak. Of which I have no experience with.

My Dad struggled with addiction to alcohol and for this reason, I have chosen to never be drunk nor do drugs. I have seen second-hand how it destroys relationships, Marriages, Families, and ultimately Lives.

I am sorry that I am little help, other than I do often Pray for individuals with addictions and low-impulse-control.

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this is a little tongue-in-cheek: i take it you haven’t been through public school? :wink:

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tried getting into contact with my spiritual director and missed the office hours by an hour :disappointed_face:

the ocd is getting bad as i can’t stop obsessing over DP or committing sin and it has me bed ridden. i can’t do much of anything (i can’t eat because my scrupulosity kills my appetite and im underweight, or because i think it would be a sin.)

the Rosary is my comfort object and i occasionally pray it when the scrupulosity dies down and is a great go-to in times of stress.

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Your body is a temple. If you’re underweight you’re neglecting to take care of a temple of God and so you’re sinning by doing so. Harming a temple of God is a more serious sin than taking pleasure in eating. Therefore, you should start eating more until you get up to a healthy weight. That’s how I think about it, as someone who is also scrupulous.

In Byzantine Catholicism we have a concept of involuntary sin - we have to come to terms with the belief that we sin all throughout the day, whether we want to or not. It sounds harsh at first, but it forces you to accept that you’ll never by perfect while you’re on this Earth; it forces you to accept that you can’t stop sinning, and then you stop worrying so much about “is it a sin?”

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I did go to government school. My Cousinss were home-schooled though, and they were super smart. One of them went on to work for the Pentagon and the rest are now Educators at various Catholic Schools.

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Holy smokes! I tip my hat to you and yours!

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I should make an addendum: I whack myself in the head to “restart” my brain and i’m so burned out i thought of flinging my brain into hell so i can walk the earth serving and loving God in a mindless, zombified state, because im not about to let a mass of malfunctioning cells damn me because they can’t get their collective :poop: together, the Obessisive/intrusive thoughts/feelings/temptations what-have-yous are so bad. I tried looking for a podcast or article that explains OCD related scrupulosity and all i found (in a sea of priests) was Fr Thomas Santa and his book (i think it was called) ‘understanding scrupulosity’. I used to have that book. everything else was pride this and pride that (hey, look, more pridespeak!).

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There’s the adage, “Prayer changes things.”. I think it can for a variety of reasons. There are also miracles, healings, etc. However, miracles happen very very infrequently. A primary benefit of prayer for many people is as a soothing balm, a “pain reliever” of sorts.

That being said, not only is prayer in many cases as temporary salve (ie need for reoccurring prayer to soothe the same issue), it’s also, barring a miracle, not able to actually solve or cure certain problems. My parents were very active with evangelism and outreach, sometimes involving the indigent as well as people with mental illness. I observed firsthand the fact that while prayer alone may temporarily soothe such issues, it doesn’t help the mental illness in most cases. The same could be said for many real medical issues and illnesses. I troubles me when I see or hear about people who have serious issues that can be helped by modern medicine and instead choose to struggle with prayer as their only remedy. It’s troubling because their core issues they struggle with persist lifelong; when, had they sought out medical help, mental health assistance, etc, they could often actually experience an end to said issues. It’s scariest when someone has serious chemical dependency issues, or people who have serious anger issues or are prone to abusing. Sure you hear about people being healed of such things strictly through prayer, but you also hear about people winning the lottery.

I would argue that prayer (that does not solve underlying serious issues) can result in the perpetuation of serious medical and mental illness issues rather than solving them if it’s relied upon or hoped for as the sole remedy.

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@Pax I was perplexed by your message. It seems loosely connected to the conversation in this post. Who is it addressed to?

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I think it was addressed to me

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That’s correct. Have you talked to a therapist?

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i have an appointment this coming tuesday. my regular psychiatrist is out until october and i am working with the interim psychiatrist on my OCD/anxiety disorder. tried to get CBT from my regular psychiatrist but it never materialized.

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If you suffer from trauma (which many autistic people do, by default) you may have effective results from EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy rather than CBT. EMDR can have a “miraculous” effect on people. It’s been known to be effective as a therapy for combat veterans with PTSD as well as effective for people who have suffered many different kinds of abuse and victimization.

It’s a fascinating treatment in how it works as well as its relative simplicity and ease of administering and receiving it. I’d summarize it this way:

The brain is a type of computer (it processes and stores data). Think of memories and experiences being stored in one of three different files: Good, Bad or Neutral. Prior traumas can impact and manifest in a person’s daily life in negative and even harmful ways. Those prior trauma memories/experiences are stuck in the “Bad file”. They inflict repeated harm and bind the person. EMDR “moves” those memories/experiences to the “Neutral file”. They’re not forgotten, but they no longer have any power. It’s all done by thinking of the uncomfortable and traumatic and describing your emotions in real-time to the EMDR therapist, while you’re using your eyes to follow an onscreen circle, moving back and forth on a horizontal plane. The eye movement is the “hack” that allows for “cutting and pasting” the memories from the Bad file to the Neutral file. The therapist can even use his/her finger for the person to follow. It’s the eye-movement.

It’s posited that REM sleep does a similar or the same process. A person’s brain processes experiences from the day prior and “files” that information while you sleep.

Apparently the act of walking may also be a “hack” in this manner. One often has a more positive and upbeat attitude while they take a walk, hike or run and the things they think about can be thought of in a different (more positive or neutral) light, with the pedestrian motion of walking, “re-filing” the thoughts.

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@scrupulous_revert I’ve found EMDR remarkably helpful, and I’m generally not an easy person to help. I think it was a combination of the method and the right practitioner sitting across from me. She set me on a course to full recovery from a painful, languishing depression in just two 30 minute sessions.

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Thanks, and thanks Pax. Will look into EMDR.

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update: severely burned out via autism and from compulsive prayer. I’m battling temptation to give up or despair (or even take a “vacation” from the faith). This soldier of Christ needs palliative care and keeps getting rushed to the battlefront.

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update: increased meds. could you pray for me again? sorry for asking but my scrupulosity has been at it almost since i woke and hasn’t taken a rest.