First, I would love to welcome you to the forum! : ) Second, the General category is a fine place for your post. We have a pretty diverse group of members here form all different walks of life.
It sounds like you were/are quite active in Parish-life. What is the saying, “10% of the Church usually does 90% of the work” or something like this?
I don’t think having a social club is all bad, unless it is all social and not Faith. I think you need both.
When I was in High School I loved Youth Group (Catholic Life-Teen)! It was quite large (4 Parishes combined) and it was hosted at the Newman Center on a University Campus, so there was lot of Catholic, College young Adults on the core team, along with many young couples. What was great about this is that it gave Catholic College Kids purpose during a time when most young Catholic fall away from their Faith (myself included). And it got young couples, who are in that weird age where they are too old to be in Youth Group, but too young to fit in with the older crowd.
As a youth, searching for community, I wish CLT was every week, but it was only every other Sunday (I think to get the team a rest so that they don’t get burnt out). So I began attending a Youth Group at a non-Denominational Church on Wednesday nights in addition to my Catholic Youth Group.
After I graduated High School, I continued to attend the non-Denom Youth Group, because I had aged-out of CLT.
Then I went off to College and attended Mass a couple times, before I missed one Sunday… and then another… and before I knew it, I had stopped going to Church altogether. I would still attend the non-Denominational Church when I would go back home on some weekends.
In College I tried attending a Christian Fellowship Group on Campus, but as someone who was trying to be seen as cool, these students were the opposite of cool.
A girl in one of my classes invited me to attend a lock-in at her Church and that was fun. Sanctus Real, who later got signed to a big Christian recording label, played at this lock-in. They were just a small-town band at the time.
When I met the girl who would become my Wife (at work), she invited me to her Protestant Youth Group. I was probably too old to be going to Youth Group, but I looked younger than I was so no-one asked any questions. Plus I was pretty immature at the time. There Youth Group was different than any other Youth Group I had ever been a part of. They were genuinely friends (even outside of Youth Group). This is not to say that I did not have friends at CLT and at the non-Denom, because I still am in touch with some of them. Ironically, a few of my non-Denom friends are now Catholic : )
Eventually God led me back to my Catholic Faith through a series of events, signs, and individuals. And the girl who would become my Wife eventually came along for the ride (eventually, after we got past many of the misconceptions she had about the Catholic Christian Faith).
RCIA was fantastic. I would recommend any young Catholic Couples to attend RCIA (now OCIA I guess), even if you both have been life-long Catholics. Or if your Parish has a Life-Teen Youth Group, consider joining the Core-Team, because as Shan has pointed out, they need volunteers. And I don’t know that I would even call it volunteering as much as I would call it, investing time in the Youth and sharing the Faith & joy you have found with young people.
I would also be mindful that, though there are those kids who’s Parents are making them be there, there are those, like I was, who genuinely wanted to be there and craved more. And when I didn’t get it, I found it elsewhere (not realizing what/Whom I was walking away from—Christ in The Eucharist!)
When volunteering becomes like a job, it takes the joy out of it. I am currently experiencing this with the Knights of Columbus and my former duties as the media team at my former Parish. I don’t mind helping, but when there is an obligation, I get depressed and no longer feel like I am doing it for the right reasons (which is where I think you are as well).
I too am not a leader. I get that strong organizations need structure & order, but I’ve always kept one foot in and one foot out of most things I participate in for this very reason. And like you, I would rather remain invisible. When everyone begins to know me, then I become their business, which is not where I want to be.
The fact that you discerned your decision and it was not simply an emotional re-action shows maturity on your part. And though others may not understand, I totally can relate.
And just like some want Youth Group to be fun, I think we too want our sharing of our time and talents to also bring us joy. And there is a difference between fun and joy, I think the reasoning for each is rooted in a desire to not feel like something is simply an obligation.
You worded this perfectly. We don’t have any control over how others may feel about us. After the Covid lock-downs our young Priest decided he no loner wanted to be a Priest. They never explained to us why. They told us all the reasons why he didn’t resign (there was not scandal or anything). I felt like he was walking out on us, his Family. During this same time, a good friend of my Wife and mine had been unfaithful in his Marriage and was walking out on his Wife and five children to be with a girl half his age (who was probably more fun and gave him less responsibilities). I was hurt by both of these men’s decisions. And I think this is what some of these individuals are feeling right now. They are taking your decision personal and are feeling hurt themselves.
I do know that our former Priest is now a travel agent and traveling all over the world and having fun.
I think these are only temporary fixes. What happens when you get to your new Parish and get to know others and are asked to help? You will be right back in the same situation. The church is like a dysfunctional family. We will let people down and we will be let down by others.
We need to balance the good, the true, and the beautiful, with joy and a little bit of fun. When we make charity creatively fun, then I more are willing to participate. Others, who are super-serous all the time, will be put off by it though. No matter what we do, someone will be offended by it. There is a time and a place for everything.
There is a time to be serous. And there is a time to decompress. And both can be pointed towards the common mission. I love the Sacred Liturgy when done reverently and I love Stand-up Comedy, but I don’t like when Priests try to be stand-up Comedians during the Sacred Liturgy.
I hate doing the dishes, but if I make doing the dishes fun, then I find it more enjoyable.
Another thing that I find has really hurt the Church is the Priest scandal. Now everyone who want to share the love of our Faith with the youth is treated like a criminal (you have to get finger-printed and go through a background check, etc.) I get that this is done to protect children from sick people who suffer form various disorders, but it also takes some of the joy out of it.
I just started a thread to brainstorm ideas for getting youth (who want to be involved and are not forced to be involved) to grow in their Faith in a way that is both faith-filled and fun.
Absolutely. You have my Prayers : )