I have not read your entire script. But I have read your question. I will attempt to answer, not from the Catholic perspective (which I understand that Catholics in general assume is the only perspective), but from the perspective of religious life in general, regardless of denominational affiliation.
The first common assumption of all spiritual life is that we are not these material bodies. We are eternal spirits, temporarily encased in a material form. This body is about 80% water and an assortment of minerals. A dead body will compost just as the unused kitchen scraps would and return to nature. Consciousness is not a property of material elements; consciousness is a symptom of the eternal spirit soul. However when the spirit soul resides within a material body, the consciousness of the spirit is experienced through the agency of the material senses, thereby inducing the spirit soul to consider the material body as the self. The saints in all spiritual traditions are those who gradually realize that,“I am not this body.” They are looked pon as ascetics, but they are not austere. They simply exalt in the pleasure of the spirit, and the loving relationship of the eternal self with God. Therefore they become progressivley indifferent to the dictates of the flesh. Therefore in all traditions there are monasteries both for monks and for nuns. But if these practitioners are not successful in cultivating a sense of loving reciprocation with God, they cannot maintain that standard. Even there are priests who become engaged in child-abuse, etc.
This all about what jesus desribes as the ability to distinguish between “God and Mammon”. One who doesn’t “know” God, is overpowered by the dictates of the flesh. And one who “knows” God is released from the dictates of the flesh without separate endeavor.
The Jewish scriptures are filled with rules and laws of social conduct. On the one hand this can serve to create balance in society. Adultery makes for social upheavel in the family. Unwedded mothers makes for lack of responsibility in the raising of children. Spiritual life, or the ability to worship God becomes almost nihl, without social stability. Just like, you cannot talk to people about about God if they don’t have enough to eat. Therefore religions put forward social laws. And breaking these social laws becomes dyfunctional for the stability of social life, without which religious life becomes greatly disturbed or non-exisitent.
The bottom line is that having a loving committed relationship is not inherently bad, but it sets a standard that from a utilitarian point of view - that makes spiritual life more stable for the people in general.
Ultimately, I am not a man or a woman. These are designations for those who identify with the material body as the self. Therefore Jesus and his intimate associates are not family men. They are “in this world, but not of this world”. We also are in this world but not of this world. But as long as we identify with the this bag of urine, stool, blood, mucus and vomit…as “me”, and are attached to such illusory designations, it is recommended that we live in ways that are conducive to taking responsibility for the production of offspring, and for family dependents, etc.
Otherwise, ultimately, a commited relationship without marriage, can be more spiritual than the marriage of people who are immoral in so many ways. E.g., a person who is a “hit man” working for the mafia, a professional killer, may be a married man who takes his marriage and his children seriously. But he is sinful in so many other ways.
The purpose of life is to come closer to God. This is the bottom line. The rule, then, is to engage in ways that bring us closer to God, and avoid ways that make us feel further from God. the rules are guidelines created in order to help us in this way.
Another aspect is that our lives should be an example to others for helping them to move closer to God. If a man is unchaste, this will encourage others to be unchaste…in this way, by not keeping “the rules”, this may encourage irrespinsibility in less mature persons. One may be mature socially-speaking while being unchaste. But if less mature people follow his example we may have more unwed mothers, more broken homes, more suicides, etc., etc.
However, if one loves God with all of his heart, as is the instruction of Jesus for all of us, all sin is removed from his being. But the general result of such love, is that one becomes detached from all mundane conceptions of family, race, politics, etc., as a result of great spiritual union with God, such an individual will see the whole world as his family, with God as “our Father who art in heaven.”
Of course, all religions have their “rules”. But what God wants more than anything else is described by Jesus, as “loving God with all of our heart and all of our strength.”