I’m here for advice, so my boyfriend does not agree that missing a Holy Day of Obligation should be a mortal sin so he only shows up because I go but there was a lot of tension to get him to go anyway. He was raised Catholic but fell away to no religion and became born-again Christian right at the start of our relationship with my help. He goes to Chrurch on Sunday and he believes in the sacraments. He also hosts Bible studies on zoom meetings with non-denominational Christians. He has a partial belief that the “religious spirit” is bad and like the pharisees and the most important thing is a personal relationship with God. When I try to convince him that missing Mass on Holy Days of Obligation is a mortal sin, he says he just doesn’t believe that and that that sounds I’m being influenced by a “religious spirit”. I do not agree that following religious rules equates to being a pharisee but things go in circles because he says that it leads to it if you do not have a personal relationship with Jesus. My question is, is it good enough that he goes to Mass on Holy Days of Obligation just for my sake? Is this enough? Because we were discerning for marriage and the attitude towards this is a huge turn off. Granted, he is open to discuss things and he has come so far from when we met 4 and a half years ago but I’m sort of tired of explaining.
Has anyone out there lived with disagreements with a spouse and how did that go?
Missing Holy Days of Obligation without a serious reason is A MORTAL SIN.
Exodus 20:8 “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy:”
Part of the Ten Commandments
It falls under grave matter because it REJECTS OBLIGATORY WORSHIP
Acts 20:7 “On the First day of the week, WHEN WE MET to break bread…”
*Indicates Sunday worship as an established norm, not a private choice
Hebrews 10:25 “Not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some…”
It’s a warning linked to serious spiritual consequences Hebrews 10:26-27
John 14:15 “If you love me, you will keep my commandments”
Deliberate refusal of a known divine command is treated as a serious sin (James 4:17)
My significant other isn’t taking his spiritual life seriously. Spirit of sloth…
He’s doing better than before but it’s gonna take time … God’s time.
For the mean time, I pray for him and encourage him to attend mass with me. Sometimes, I have to attend mass twice because the spirit of sloth in him also affects me— I get severely distracted when I go to church with him. So I attend mass alone so I can focus and attend again WITH HIM so he will go to mass.
A mortal sin is a serious matter done while knowing that it’s serious and doing it anyway. So we can’t automatically say that not going to Mass when it’s required is a mortal sin. And we don’t have to agree that intentionally missing Mass on holy days of obligation should be a serious matter, but we still have to obey.
Somebody who won’t obey the Church may not be a good marriage partner. It’s one thing to have some different beliefs, but it’s important to treat each other’s beliefs with respect. Going to Mass when it’s required and behaving respectfully are good. But could you as couples be a good spiritual team? Marriage and raising children are big challenges, and life is full of big challenges. You can’t expect to agree on everything, even your religion, but you have to put each other first and treat each other with respect and love. Will these men be good husbands to have when things get hard?
Those are my thoughts. You both are asking questions, so I’m trying to give sensible and spiritual answers.
As a libertarian, I somewhat understand how your boyfriend feels. I don’t want to do something just because someone else tells me to.
Is your boyfriend currently Catholic Christian or non-Denominational Christian? You said that he believes in the Sacrament, which leads me to believe that he has reverted back to his Catholic Faith.
My life took a similar path. I fell away in College and began attending a non-Denominational (aspiring mega-Church). As my relationship with Christ began to grow, He began leading me back to my Catholic Faith (a deeper faith in Jesus Christ).
But, I had intentions of making the Catholic Church more like the non-Denominational Church (in secret), but God had other plans. As I began to better understand why we do what we do, the things I desired to change about this ancient Christian Church seemed superficial and what Christ’s Church offers contains depth & beauty.
Some Protestants have a misconception that the Old Covenant was ritualistic and all about works and no faith. But, both Romans 4 and Habakkuk 2 speak about having faith under the Old Covenant.
Certainly, some Jewish leaders (some Sadducees and Pharisees) had fallen into this error of making it all about works and little about faith. And Jesus calls them out on their hypocrisy, as does St. Paul.
And I would agree with your boyfriend that some Catholic Christians do also fall into this error. Works apart from faith are meaningless.
But, I think your boyfriends is looking at Holy Days of Obligation in a disordered way. If he/you are only going, because there is an obligation to do so, then yes, that is a problem, but if you guys are going because you have faith in Jesus and get to celebrate Mass (Christ’s Sacrifice) on a day other than Sunday, then how wonderful is this. Bible studies are great! I belong to two weekly Bible Studies (one is with a group of Catholic men and the other is with a Protestant co-worker). But Bible Study pales compared to what Jesus offers us in the Holy Mass (which is Himself in the Sacred Word and in the Holy Eucharist, which contains all whom He is).
Relationship with Jesus is a must. What is a marriage if it is nothing, but a legal document? Catholic Christians have more than a legal contract with Jesus. The church has more than a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with Jesus. We have a Covenantal relationship with Him (which is deeper than merely just having a relationship with Jesus).
It would be in error to say, I don’t need to get Married, because it is only a legal document. For some, this is all Marriage is. But, to think that this is all that a Covenant is, makes a similar error of the Sadducees and Pharisees who separated faith from the Covenantal actions.
I will keep you guys in my Prayers. The hardest part of Holy Days of Obligation is showing up. Once we realize why we are there truly, we become grateful for this time, in faith, that we got to share with Catholic Christians all over the world and with the communion of saints. We do not only thank Him for what He has done, is doing, and will do, but also what He has done in the lives of the faithful we honor on these Holy Days of Opportunity (see what I did there : )