I have a dear catholic friend and she is torn
Up about not going to her nieces wedding. Her niece is gay. My friend sister mentioned to her that if she doesn’t attend the wedding their relationship is over as sisters. Is there a solution???
Her not going is not going to stop the wedding, so she should go if she wants the relationship with her sister to continue. If her sister knows how she feels about gay marriage but she goes anyway, I think that shows that she loves her and values their relationship.
I have heard that priests recommend attending the party afterward but not the ceremony as you cant act as a witness
I am really, really sorry for your friend. This is an absolutely horrible situation to be in.
When you ask if there is a solution, I’m not sure if this is just a question about whether to attend (as the first two respondents to this post have taken your question) or whether it is about whether there is a way in which your friend can have a hard conversation with her sister.
If I were to read your question in the first sense, I can only respond by saying: no, it is not possible to participate. How could participation be seen as anything other than supporting this serious sin? The same is true for both the ceremony and the party. Both are celebrations of unambiguous grave sin.
Even if your friend cannot stop this so-called “wedding” by refusing to go, it does not make it alright to participate. To present a different situation where even passive participation would be wrong: if I were asked to be present for someone’s suicide (here in Canada, killing sick people with lethal injections is becoming increasingly common), I would have to refuse, whether that was for a parishioner or for a blood relative of mine, regardless of whether or not I would be able to stop the killing.
We have the duty as Catholics both to avoid giving scandal and to positively give witness to what is true and good. Even if your friend’s sister and niece know that your friend is secretly opposed to this mockery of marriage, what about others who are present?
To take your question in the second sense, I can only recommend that your friend communicate with her sister as well as her niece in the way that would be received best. She can state her love for them and her desire that they be happy. But she has a duty to obey her conscience, and can ask that - even if they don’t understand her absence or even think it is wrong - they nonetheless respect that. (This is to paraphrase advice Dr. David Anders has given on his radio show.)
However, there is no guarantee that there will be success in saving the relationship(s) with one or both of them. This is very sad.
But we are taught by Christ that we cannot put an absolute value on our human relationships. He himself said that if we are his disciples, we will have enemies in our own families and will have to choose him over our blood relatives (Matthew 10:36-37). He even says that we must “hate” them in order to be disciples (Luke 14:26).
And we are also promised by Christ (e.g. Matthew 19:29), that those who follow him at great cost will be immensely blessed.
If I could give one piece of advice to your friend, it would be to not let her sister use her conscience against her. Her sister is acting despicably. She is trying to use a sense of guilt (as well as fear) to make your friend go to this “wedding”. She wants your friend to think she is being disrespectful, when it is really the sister who does not respect your friend’s conscience. If the relationship does end, it is not your friend’s fault. It is the fault of her sister, who thinks that threats can be the basis of a relationship. Your friend is not the one making threats about ending relationships.
Please know that everyone involved has a place in my prayers.
Although martyrdom represents the high point of the witness to moral truth, and one to which relatively few people are called, there is nonetheless a consistent witness which all Christians must daily be ready to make, even at the cost of suffering and grave sacrifice." St. John Paul II, Veritatis Splendor 93
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This question comes up quite a bit on Catholic Answers Live.
I personally would not attend. I’d write the niece a heart-felt letter letting her know that I do care for her and will good in her life. As far as the Sister holding this over her head is concerning, not to mention manipulative. I would Pray for the sister. She will never understand your position, because her anger is not based in truth, but more out of emotions.
My youngest brother has stopped talking to half our Family, because we will not affirm his trąns daughter (my niece identifies as a 13 year old boy). If there ever is a wedding, I’m sure I will not receive an invite, but I still will good in her life.
There is no such thing as “Gąy Marriage.” Though in the eyes of the state there is, it is not biologically possible for two persons of the same sęx to become one flesh (consummate) in the way God intended. I would not however put this in my letter to the niece ; )
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I would like to publicly thank @CanadianPriest for his pastoral reply. Your response is very helpful and true. We are blessed to have you here. Thank you.
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After reading CanadianPriest and Cade One’s advice I regret my 1st comment. Their’s were honoring God. When we love Jesus, we want to do His will. Her decision must be Godly centered love and not centered on her sister’s love.
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I whole heartedly appreciate all the comments on this topic. I will pass them onto my friend. It may ease so if her pain.
I myself realize making the correct decision is not always the easiest.
I have a gay daughter so I feel deeply for my friend. Really more so. I love my daughter with my whole heart. When she came out I went into myself. I shut my life down for over a year trying to get a grip on the whole issue. I am not fully there yet and it still pains me. I had a very niece conversation with my priest and he emphasized that my daughter is still a child of God!!! He said live her and take care of her as God has given her to you for a reason…… After my year in solitary confinement of life my daughter and I had a wonderful talk. Her comment was if being gay was a choice why would she choose it.
Thank all of you again I truly appreciate the response.
Mountainmom
This is an issue that effects almost every family these days. There are two immediate family members of mine that have same sex attraction. One fully embraced the homosexual lifestyle agenda and has abandoned Christianity. The other one is trying to live a chaste life within the boundaries of the Church and is involved with the Courage ministry for added support.
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Thank you
For replying. Nice to know one is not
Alone, even though I feel that way. I truly believe God has a plan for all of
Us!!!
Thanks, Angela
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