Our 16-year-old granddaughter, who is a devout Catholic and soon to be confirmed, has a boyfriend that is Baptist and she will occasionally go to his church on Sunday.
To my knowledge, he has not gone with her to Catholic mass.
I see a huge problem in this, does anyone else?
I also have a problem with a 16-year-old having a steady boyfriend, but that’s another issue.
I have a few questions.
When your granddaughter attends Church with her boyfriend, does she also attend the Holy Mass? If she is replacing the Sacred Liturgy with going to Church with her boyfriend, then she is not being devout.
Does your granddaughter’s Dad go to Church? What are his thoughts about his daughter going to the Baptist Church? Has he had a conversation with either his daughter and/or the boyfriend?
When I was about her age, I would have been considered to be a Catholic who was strong in his Faith. I would ride my bike (20 minutes) to Church, if my parents over-slept. I loved going to Youth Group, but it was only every-other week. I wanted more, but at the same time, did not recognize what I had.
I started attending a non-Denominational Youth Group on Wednesday Nights in addition to my Catholic Youth Group, which met every other Sunday Night.
I met a lot of other Christians on fire for Jesus and eventually I began to fall away from my Catholic Faith and into the welcoming arms of the non-Denominational Church, until I became too old for Youth Group and then I drifted from going to Church completely.
You have a valid concern for your granddaughter. I was the last kid you thought would leave the Church. I still loved Christ and considered myself a Christian, but I didn’t fell like I fit in.
If your granddaughter feels more welcomed at the Baptist Church, truth takes a back-seat at this age.
I think her Dad (assuming he is a Catholic man who takes his Faith seriously) needs to have a conversation with both of them and explain that it is great that they both have a relationship with Jesus. And that there are differences between what Protestants do in their Services and what Catholics do at the Holy Mass.
It is great to be where we feel we belong, but if it is at the cost of of receiving the greatest gift(s) Jesus offers His faithful (the Eucharist), then we are putting ourselves (and our relationship with our boyfriend/girlfriend) before Christ.
I once dated a Pastor’s daughter (I believe they were Baptist). I wish he would have had a conversation with me. Instead he just showed me his gun and threatened if I tried anything with his daughter (which I had no intensions of doing) that there would be consequences. I felt like her Dad did not respect me and the person I was. I was not like his son (who was rebellious, would get drunk, do drugs, among other things).
This girl eventually dumped me for a guy who was slightly funnier than I (though this is subjective ; ). She sealed her break-up letter with a sticker that read, “Jesus Loves You,” which I already knew and believed full-heartedly. But, I wanted her to love me : )
She and Mr. Funny Guy got Married after graduation and he became a Protestant Pastor. They are still Married and have a lovely family. I am truly happy for them both.
Fast-forward a few years later, and I met the most beautiful girl. And she was a Christian to boot. I began attending her Church with her (as I had already fallen away from the church by this point). She was Brethren and their Youth Group (she was three years younger than I) were very close. They were all genuinely friends with one another outside of Youth Group. Their form of Protestantism was big into the theory of the Premillennial Rapture (which both Catholic & most Protestant Christians prior the late 1800’s do not hold).
I still remember at one of the first Youth Groups I attended with Shanon, the Youth Pastor started the night off with a Catholic joke. Even though I no longer considered myself a Catholic anymore, it stung a little. Their end-times theology, I ate it up. I had never heard it before and it was new to me.
Eventually I got a job offer a couple hours away and I had to move away. Shanon and I did the long-distance thing. She eventually enrolled in a College closer to where I was. We started attending the non-Denominational Church that had started attending Youth Group in High School. Then Shanon’s Grandpa became sick and Shanon moved back home. We continued to do the long-distance thing.
During this time, through a series of events, people, and signs (literally a billboard), God was calling me back to the Faith of my youth. I had also discovered Catholic Podcasting (this was back in 2006) and Catholic Answer Live.
I had decided to return to my Catholic Faith, but would I feel welcomed back? How do I tell Shanon? When I did tell her, she freaked out, threw herself into her pillow and screamed, “I don’t know you anymore!” I thought for sure she was going to break up with me, but she didn’t.
Long story long, I did feel welcomed back to the Catholic Church and the Mass was so vivid, I was moved to tears. I sobbed like a baby. God is so good!
Eventually Shanon started coming with me, though she did not understand why we do what we do. And as she learned the meaning behind it all and started believing the reality of what Jesus has done (and does) in the one, holy Sacrifice of the Mass, she began to see the beauty of the Liturgy. And she agreed to become Catholic. She joined RCIA and I would drive up every Thursday night to be there with her.
She entered the Church at the Easter Vigil. The Catholic Church recognized her protestant Baptism, so she received Confirmation and First Holy Communion (the other two sacraments of initiation).
Many of my Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and Friends came to welcome her with open arms. It wasn’t long before I asked her to be my Wife.
So, even if your granddaughter does end up leaving her Catholic Faith for this boy, don’t give up hope. Pray that God will guide her back and that boy (or future boyfriend) might also recognize the beauty and truth of the Church Christ started in the Apostles. And more importantly, that their relationship with Jesus grows deeper, because of their conversion(s).
I hope this helps in some way. I will keep your granddaughter in my Prayers, as you Pray, “Come, Holy Spirit.”
Yes, she attends Catholic Church every Sunday and attends all of the youth group meetings plus Confirmation classes.
Our son, her dad, goes to church, but there is a backstory that looms. Our son dated and married a Baptist girl. I told him of the problems that might arise, as I’ve seen marriages destroyed over inter-denominational unions. Of course, he knew it all so he proceeded to marry her and she converted, which surprised everyone in our family as she was hard-core Baptist.
They attended church regularly for 10 years, but when our new Nigerian priest arrived as our pastor, she used the language barrier as a means to start missing mass and now she never attends. The good news is that our son attends mass regularly and he sits with his 11 & 14 year old sons and the 16 year old daughter. It has to be killing him to not have his wife by his side. He won’t talk to either me or my wife about it. He is headstrong, like his daddy, and he would never admit that my advice many years ago was good advice.
So, I doubt that he likes it, but I’d bet that with his wife formerly being Baptist, he has little say over this matter.
BTW, my belief is that once you are a “cradle Catholic” or go through RCI & are confirmed and are accepted into the Catholic faith, you can’t say “I’m no longer Catholic.”
That’s like saying “I graduated from Notre Dame” but I’m no longer a graduate. One’s soul is Catholic forevermore, which brings upon you a responsibility to raise your children Catholic and to be a good example of a Catholic woman/mother/wife to your children.
I’m not God and I do understand “God’s Mercy” but I would think that once you know the Catholic Faith and reject it, you have put yourself on the road to perdition. JM2C
So, for now, I will wait and see if her “boyfriend” is willing to attend Catholic Mass.
On a similar note, our daughter has 4 kids from 17 down to 8. She and her husband are extremely devout and our daughter has already told her kids that they are never allowed to date anyone who isn’t Catholic.
She attended “one” evening bible study at a Baptist friend’s Baptist church that had women of several different denominations and in attendance when they were discussing where to meet the next time, our daughter said that she could probably get a room at her Catholic Church nearby. The Baptist girl immediately said that she couldn’t do it.
You see, the Ecumenical movement, which is the number one objective of Vatican II, has been an absolute failure. It and other VII changes have only weakened our Church. This idea that VII “opened the door for our lost protestant brethren to return home & ome back into the Catholic fold” was a pipe dream. It and other weaknesses of our leadership have allowed such things as our granddaughter to think that it is ok to go to a Baptist church. Again, JM2C
Ultimately, as the grandfather, it is mostly out of your hands. However, if she ever asks you what you think of her boyfriend, that gives you the opening to impart your wisdom.
Well said, both of you. I will continue to Pray for all involved.
It’s not a big deal to occasionally go to a church of a different denomination. I don’t think it would offend God or Jesus. Our faith is supposed to withstand scrutiny. My best friend and mentor is 30 years older than me and she’s Baptist. When I’m in town I’ll go to her church to be polite. She knows I’m Catholic and doesn’t give me a hard time about it. We talk about what we can agree on and we avoid topics that we know contain doctrinal differences.
Also, I fail to see how there is a problem with a 16 year old having a steady boyfriend. It’s even the age of consent in some places. It’s very normal. My grandparents were born in the 40s and my grandmother was 16 when they started dating and now they’re both still married and very elderly, living in the same house, with 6 kids that they had after getting married.
Be careful you don’t give her the impression that you’re smothering her, because it’s normal and healthy for teenagers to date. Would you rather she dated a different guy every week? Haha. Steady is good.