Hi, first time posting. I am a lifelong Catholic in my 40’s. Around 6 years ago I met someone who was born Catholic, switched to being a Protestant and is now Lutheran. This person got married around 18 years ago in a town hall type event as their then partner was in the military. However they divorced around 8 years ago. They have no communication and it ended on bad terms, no possibility whatsoever of them seeking an annulment. Given this person was married in a town hall type event, could I as a Catholic marry this individual ? If so, could I still attend church as normal thereafter ? Thanks
Welcome to the forum. I would talk to your Priest. It sounds like to me his first Wedding was invalid, because he was Catholic and did not seek a dispensation to get Married outside the Catholic Church.
Or was he Protestant at the time of his first Marriage? This matters, because we recognize a Marriage between two Protestants.
The second question is, have you ever been Married? And if so, what is your status?
If you were to Marry this individual, would you get Married in the Catholic Church or in the Lutheran Church? Either way, you would need to find out if he is still Married to his first Wife in the eyes of the Church or you guys could be committing adultery.
And if you were to get Married in the Lutheran Church, you would need to get a dispensation, otherwise your Marriage might be invalid, which would also be adultery.
I know these things can get confusing and may seem pointless to individuals who do not take the Sacrament of Marriage serous, but it is Biblical.
Again, I would meet with your Catholic Priest and explain the situation. He would be able to address it better than I can. Marriage is important and discerning Marriage is also important. Not to sound like your Parent, as I am about the same age as you, are there any things that might hinder Marring this gentleman? Does he have any addictions that you know of (alcohol, pornogrąphy, etc.)? Does he have a history of being unfaithful or of domestic violence (low-impulse control)?
I believe individuals can change with God’s grace, but these are important things to consider when discerning Marriage. Do either of you have any children (you don’t have to tell me)? Will they be raised Catholic or Lutheran? These are also things to consider when Marrying someone. Statistics show that when a Husband and Wife are not evenly yoked, their children are much more likely to grow up to have no faith in God and will likely choose not to go to Church.
My Mom was Catholic and my Step-Dad was Presbyterian. I have four siblings and I am the only one who goes to Church and has a relationship with Christ. My Parents now attend the Church together, but I Pray that one day my Mom will return to the Holy Eucharist. And I Pray for the conversion of my siblings as well. I put it in God’s hands.
I hope I haven’t come off too harsh. I tend to be pretty direct. I get that from my Baptist Grandma : ) She was always pretty blunt. Picture Mother Angelica, but Married for nearly 60 years. She was funny, but honest.
Thanks very much for your response. Well I did contact my local priest (by email) but I didn’t get a response, however I might try again. I believe they were a Protestant at the time of their town hall marriage - both parties were Protestant. We are actually in different countries and if we were to marry unfortunately it could be a similar type event - in a town hall due to visa restrictions. So an extra layer of complexity. Outside of that there is nothing to hinder actually getting married, they appear to live a very clean cut lifestyle. However, they have a son and I am not sure what his religious persuasion is. It’s something that I would have to ask about directly. That’s the one component which is a worry, I have had very little interaction with the son, I don’t know how we would get along. Obviously not a straight forward situation but the main concern really is around can I get married to this individual and would there be any ramifications in terms of attending Church thereafter. Again I will see if I can get a Priests opinion, I definitely appreciate your response and the information provided.
Cade asked a lot of good questions. An online marriage preparation course that you can complete separately might be a good idea. The one we used five years ago was for couples to do together. It asked a lot of questions such as those posed by Cade plus a lot more. It was intended to help couples not only prepare for marriage but discern whether they should even get married. Also, concerning visas, my wife is a Filipina. At the time we got engaged, she was visiting the United States and couldn’t go home because of the pandemic, all air service to Manila being canceled. An immigration lawyer advised us to get married before her visa ran out; then she could apply for adjustment of status to legal permanent resident based on marriage to a U.S. citizen. She was granted legal permanent residence, but it’s not automatic. Today she is a U.S. citizen. We had thought we could get married in the Philippines and then live together in the United States, but a marriage visa then had a one-year waiting period before you could bring your spouse to the United States, and meanwhile you had to maintain a residence here. The situation may be the same today.
I suggest that you call the rectory or go during office hours and request a consultation with your pastor. We did as soon as we could get together, and we explained the situation to the pastor, that despite the normal six-month waiting period for marriage, we wanted to get married before her visa ran out. The pastor said he could see that we were mature, and he would marry us, and he did. We still had to complete the marriage prep, which we did online because every conference we signed up for was canceled because of the pandemic.
My point is that visa difficulties are not necessarily going to prevent a church wedding and that marriage doesn’t automatically let you live together in the United States. Other countries no doubt have different rules.
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Thanks very much for sharing your experience. I like the idea of a preparation course or seeing a pastor in person to determine if it’s a good idea. I think that’s some thing we will go with and in the process hopefully I can find out where things are in terms of the actual recognition of the marriage if it were to go ahead. Yes certainly the visa issue can be complicated, I believe at the moment the wait is anywhere from 12-18 months. None of this is straightforward but certainly your input has been very helpful and I now know where to go from here. Thanks !
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