From what I have observed, the women all just date the committee leader or the YPG members who are best buds with the popular pastors. And that’s about it. None of the other guys are good enough so only like 2-3 guys get dates with all the women at churches.
I’ve dated a few women just because I am not a suck up do-gooder type of phony guy. I just sorta do my thing. I’m more of a bad boy type so the do-gooder phonies never really like me much. Oh and I am okay asking women out and exchanging contact info and making soft plans to meet up some other time.
But the entire basis for women to be virgins and get married is totally a major falsehood. If anything you see the majority of guys frozen out and the majority of Catholic women go on hookup rampages just as bad as tattooed women or party girls. Catholic women don’t wait for marriage- at all- it’s a huge lie in church today.
What else… yeah it’s always whichever do-gooder kind of phony nice guy who leads the team, not because he’s a good leader but because he knew someone who gave him the role. But the women love it up. They are like moths to a light and the light is the cornball do-gooder nice guy who is a team leader of groups. He’s got connections and for some reason that matters to church women
Oh another thing is the church dating dynamic tends to be controlled by people who barely even follow anything in the Bible. They form cliques, they gossip, they sabotage. They even show up to mass but only if it’s a YPG event of something socially connected to the mass then they show up to control the scene and decide who’s in and who is a reject.
it’s fascinating how the most uncool people are fitted into church leadership roles.
I met my wife via Catholic Match (as I mentioned in another thread some time ago). The website allowed me to specify my degree of agreement with church teachings and matched me with a woman of similar beliefs, as well as personal interests and attitudes. I also was able to specify that I wasn’t interested in dating a divorced woman.
Rather than looking at the behavior of others, have you ever considered looking inward and, more importantly, upward?
I’ve been listening to a Podcast about Prayer and they were talking about how mediating, not in the new agey kind of way, but pondering on the Gospels, lead to contemplative Prayer, which often leads to an examination of ourselves (which unsettling to many, but if received with humility, can be a true blessing).
No one worthy of dating wants someone who lacks introspection and grace (which comes from God). Work on your Prayer life. Pray for your future Wife (whomever she may be. She could be someone you have known for a long time or someone you may have not met yet). And Pray that you are able to be a worthy spouse. Being a “bad-boy” is not good for anyone, but maybe for yourself. Being a bad-boy may seem authentic (and not fake), but is not someone I recommend any of my female friends or family dating.
No man is a perfect man, but to make our identity our concupiscence (fallen human nature) shows a lack of willingness to grow. My advise to you is this: Do not see holiness (allowing Christ to work and bring about a positive change in how you think and act as a weakness or “phoniness.” If it is real change, and you are cooperating with God’s grace, then it is real. But, if you are doing it to manipulate or manifest a date, then your desire (though it may feel authentic) is based upon deceit.
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Praying for a future wife: good point, Cade. At my parish, I picked up a card with a “prayer of a husband and wife.” I started praying it for me and my future wife, whoever she might be. I also borrowed a book about Christian husbands from the church library.
I talked with a devout Christian man at work and asked whether I was showing faith or being foolish. He said I was showing faith because I was acting like my prayer would be answered.
A friend said that faith and foolishness are sometimes the same. I think there’s something like that in the Bible.
After I met my future wife and got engaged, we started saying the prayer of a husband and wife together. We have been married five years and still say it together every day.
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I fully agree with this, a woman of the faith who is aligned with God and herself, will absolutely want a man do does the same thing. It’s not a matter of if he’s the leader of a group. I would happily date a regular guy who goes to the mass frequently and has an outward expression of God’s love in his life. Striving for holy relationships where we are equally yoked is always the goal.
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To be honest though, I don’t even know what a healthy church dynamic looks like. My church is big and I’ve said hi to hundreds of people there and some I have talked with dozens of times at various events, but, none of them are my friends. Not like a family. It’s not like everyone wants to call me and hang out. So it hurts but also it’s just the truth.
Furthermore, Catholic women can be a real piece of work you know that? The terrible truth (just from my perspective) is Catholic women are no better than any babe you’d meet at a bar or at any other venue.
In an ideal world, it would be incredible to find a Catholic wife to marry up but in my experience, Catholic women are very mean spirited and cold blackened hearts. And I mean that. They’ve shown me to be some of the coldest and unfriendly people.
When I started attending church not too many years ago my hopes were high as can be. I figured yes, church is the best place to find a genuinely nice lady to love and to have a safe and trustworthy relationship. But what did I find? I found a bunch of mean gossips. A bunch of cliques. I found a bunch of women dressed like the Brady Bunch but acting like covert narcissists.
So I wish to find a kind and feminine woman in church but I’m not counting on it ever happening. It’s like bizzaro-world wishing for a “feminine woman” as if they are a thing of the past. Like a relic piece in the sanctuary…