Wife is a Protestant, strongly anti-Catholic

Casual Discussion
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Hello everyone, I’m seeking some support and advice/opinions here.

A little bit about my situation:

I am 35 and married with 5 children, my wife is a “Bible only” Protestant. I was raised Baptist, as she was, with my father being a cradle Catholic. My parents returned to the Catholic Church when I was in my early teen years, I neglected to join as I had no interest or understanding at that time.

Fast forward 15 years and I have been seeking truth, and found it in the early church. I have read numerous books (Scott Hahn, Brant Pitre Etc) as well as many of the early church fathers.

I was baptized as an infant, dude to my Grandfather being a methodist pastor. I have been attending mass for the last few months and I am planning to join the church as soon as I can.

My wife has come to terms with the fact that I will become Catholic, however she is a Catholic “hater” so to speak. I have shared with her everything that brought me to the truth, she just will not accept anything except what is (her or the Baptist) interpretation of scripture. I have shared the church fathers on the Eucharist and Baptism with her, she says they sound nothing like what Catholics practice (funny, I know). I honestly think she is in denial.

She comes from an evangelical Baptist background, and her family are strongly anti Catholic.

We have a great marriage otherwise. When we discuss our faith, it usually ends up in a heated argument and agreeing to disagree. I have come to terms with this and decided to practice my faith quietly.

I have been praying that her heart be softened toward the early faith, and I know this is something that only God can change. I have asked him to give me patience.

I guess I’m just seeking advice as to what I should do going forward, and if anyone has been in any similar type of situation. Thank you and God Bless!

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I’d say you are doing the right thing - prayer. Let Him help. Don’t let it start to negatively impact your marriage.

You may want to check out the Conversion Prayer:

Ask Him to help convert her and be confident that He will grant her the gift of conversion (in His own time and way).

4 Likes
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I pray for you, your wife and family.

The quiet lead-by-example, long term route is what worked for St. Augustine’s mother, St. Monica.

With five children, this is a tricky situation and is a Cross you will bear. In your household, you must make your example the pillar of strength. Catholicism makes demands that other forms of Christianity do not - Mass, Confession, adoration, Holy Week, fasting, etc. Your children are watching, even when you don’t think they are.

Try to avoid arguments - they will only make her dig into position and she will not hear you. God gave her free will, respect it. Conflicts, especially around the children, are going to arise. What’s important is how you respond to them. Being limited, being human, our responses are often less than ideal, especially when you are being attacked, mocked or scorned by the crowd. Resist calling them Catholic haters. Understand, too, that conversion to Catholicism might make her feel like she is betraying her family or rejecting their values. Their love for God is admirable and heartwarming, even it is not the secure route to salvation. (BTW, advice like this is easier to give than to live.)

You have a long journey ahead of you. You are blessed with a wonderful family. Put your trials in God’s hands and ask Him to help. It is out of Love that you do what you do for yourself, your wife and your children. That’s why you are Catholic. That’s why it is important to you that your family choose Catholicism.

Note my sister has a protestant husband and five children. Her husband has attended Catholic Mass every week throughout their marriage, despite never converting. She has a wonderful marriage and family. I hope you find your peace with your wife and her family. He does it out of commitment for her, but also, I believe, because he hears truth in what is said.

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@BibleCatholic, Thank you for your sincere post.

Would your wife be open to listening to a non-apologetics Podcast with you, when you are driving together in the car? “Catholic In a Small Town” is a couple who live in the Bible Belt (deep south) and they are hilarious. They talk about movies, shows & books they have watched/read. They talk about their kids various struggles of daily life.

My Wife was not Catholic when I first met her and when God was calling me back to the Catholic Christian Church, I was almost afraid to tell her, out of fear that she was going to break up with me. He Dispensational Church was quite anti-Catholic and very into the Pre-millennial Rapture. I got to the point where I had to trust God. If this was where He was leading me, I had to tell her. It did not go well. She “crashed out” as my kids say! She muttered into her pillow, “I don’t know you anymore!” But, as she calmed down, I was able to answer many of her questions.

I went back to Mass that Sunday wondering if I would even be welcomed back. How much have things changed since I left. It had been about five or six years since I had been to the Catholic Liturgy.

I was not only welcomed back, I wept the entire Mass! The mercy and love of God poured over me. The Readings became vivid, every Prayer became my Prayer, and the music was reverent and I was overcome by pure joy. I did not receive Holy Communion, but I prayed for spiritual communion until I reconciled.

I called my friend (who would later become my best-man in our Wedding) and asked if he would be willing to go to Reconciliation with me. I knew I would chicken out otherwise. He was glad that I asked him, because it had been a while for him.

My Wife (girlfriend at the time) and I were similar to you and your Wife. We just didn’t talk about our faith too much. We would listen to Christian music and go to Christina Music Festivals and Concerts, but when it came to theological differences, we would avoid deep conversations like that.

I told her that if she ever wanted to go to Church with me I did not want to pressure her. Of course I was Praying for her conversion. And one day, she said that maybe it would be okay if she went to Church with me. I told her that she did not have to kneel and stand. I told her that it would be fine if she just wanted to sit and listen. And if she had any questions, I would be happy to explain why we do what we do in the Liturgy. And she had a few questions, but she wasn’t totally freaked out. She actually wanted to go with me again the following weeks.

One day, she witnessed a baby being Baptized and it melted her heart. Then approaching Easter time, we witnessed the RCIA candidates preparing to become Catholic. They were being blessed during Mass, with the support of their sponsors. Those who were not yet Baptized were Baptized, Confirmed, and received First Holy Eucharist. And I told my Wife (girlfriend at the time) that if she ever wanted to entroll into RCIA, that I would gladly be her sponsor (not realizing that if you are planning on becoming engaged to someone, you cannot be their sponsor).

A few weeks later, she said she felt ready to at least sign up to RCIA to learn more about our Catholic Christian Faith.

I had gotten a job two-and-a-half hours away, so I would drive up every Tuesday Night and sleep on the couch in her Parents home and then drive back really early the next morning. That was about the time I discovered Podcasts and there were only about a dozen to choose from. And four of those were Catholic!

The CatholicCast, Rosary Army, The Catholic Insider, and Catholic Rockers. Later on, discovered more. Catholic in a Small Town, Catholic Mormon Podcast (or CMP for short), and The SaintCast. This was around 2006 and no one knew what a Podcast was back then. When I tried to explain it to people, they thought I was a nerd and made fun of me. Back then you had to copy the RSS Feed manually and post it into Juicer (a Pod-catcher). PodBurner made it a little easier.

As my Wife (girlfriend at the time) was pretty sure that she was going to be Confirmed, receive our Lord in first Holy Communion, and be fully initiated, I then felt comfortable Marrying her. Really I could have Married her two weeks after meeting her, but we were young and I lacked the maturity that I thought was required.

I eventually got the courage to ask her to be my bride and we knew we wanted to have a full Liturgy Wedding. And we made our Wedding all about Him and less about us! And for this reason, many, still to this day, tell us that our Wedding was the most beautiful Wedding they have every been to. I’ve been to even more beautiful (my Cousins), but for I think it was because of God’s grace and our genuineness of our intentions to put Christ first on our Wedding day and throughout our Marriage.

So what is my advice? Don’t push. Pray, Simply invite, live a joy-filled life in Christ Jesus, our Savior.

For, us, it also helped that my Wife’s friend was engaged to a Catholic guy and she too decided to become Catholic Christian. She not really raised in Church. She was Baptized in the Methodist Church, but her Mom does not go to Church regularly.

A few years ago, I did Exodos90 with a group of men in our Parish. One of these men was a Protestant Pastor, before becoming Catholic and when he became Catholic, his Wife did not follow. He sits in front of us most Sundays and I feel bad for the guy. His Wife felt like he betrayed her and God. She liked being the Pastor’s Wife. It had become her identity for so long. And when he resigned a head Pastor to become Catholic, there was some bitterness on her part. Every once in a while, his grown son will come to Church, but I haven’t seen him in over a year now. I feel really bad for the guy.

What has been great about my Wife becoming Catholic, is that her anti-Catholic, raised-Pentecostal Mom no longer holds the views that she once did towards Catholics. And she an her Husband (my Wife’s Step-Dad) began going to an Evangelical Church after my Wife became Catholic, which was good, but they have since fallen away again. But, they are no longer ant-Catholic, which is good.

But, you never know who God will use in the lives of others. I attended the “Christians for Liberty” Conference this past weekend and one of the speakers kept using this term, Crucifyormity. Living sacrificially as Christ lived for us. I’m sure there is more that can be said and the speaker authored a book about the size of the Catechism. Either he needed to get a better editor or maybe it really is topic that has a lot of depth to it.

Do any of you children want to go to Church with Dad? Ord do they all go to Church with your Wife? Statistically, children of Parents who are unevenly yoked, will choose not to attend Church as adults. That is true of my siblings. There are five of us, and I am the only one of us who attends Church. I’m not saying this to brag, but to illustrate how that statistic has been in my own Family. I’m not trying to make you worry. Not every situation is identical. But, I hope I have said something that of use to you.

God Bless,

Joshua