What if I chose the wrong vocation?

[vehe]

I’ve been married for 4 years and have two small children. My wife is Catholic and we both have a good life of faith and a good relationship with its ups and downs like anyone else. But right after getting married, I started being tormented thoughts about whether I should actually have become a priest, since I once considered that path. These thoughts have come and gone in different periods over the years, stealing my peace, and making me less present for my family, my work, and in general for the present moment. Many times I imagine myself as a priest or a religious, living a life full of light, fulfilled, dedicated to others, in which work and vocation are the same thing. And I wonder if I made the wrong choice. I know that what I’m describing may sound strange to most people. Either it’s a mental issue or it’s the devil.

During my teenage years, I considered the priest vocation and even told the school chaplain about it, but that’s where it ended. Later in university, the doubt about the calling remained. On one hand, I was drawn to the priesthood, but on the other, I was also drawn to forming a Christian family. I was very involved in parish life and in the Church environment, and I met many priests. I always took the matter to prayer, but I never dared to take the step or even talk about it with anyone, because I didn’t have spiritual direction. The truth is that little by little I started feeling in my heart more strongly the desire to marry and form a Christian family. I had several relationships (some not very good), until I met my wife, with whom I was really happy and full of peace. I clearly saw that she was the woman of my life and that through her I could reach heaven. The truth is that after the wedding, these thoughts about the wrong vocation started to appear. Many times I wonder if I didn’t discern properly, if maybe my personality was more suited to the priesthood, or if I wasn’t brave enough and ignored what God was truly calling me to, and where I would have really been happy.

I would greatly appreciate some good advice on how to deal with this.

[Cade_One]

I have a similar feeling when I order food in a restaurant. I begin to imagine what it would have been like had I ordered this instead of that. I’m joking.

Thank you for your honest and raw question. I think you are not alone in having such feelings.

The reality is that the season for discerning your vocation has passed. You chose the vocation of Marriage. You have made a vow before God and Family to your beautiful Bride. To abandon your family would be immoral. And Christ never abandons His Bride (we, the church). We are called to be more like Christ (sacrifice for those we love in our respective vocation).

We had a new young Priest who after the lock-downs decided he no longer wanted to be a Priest and abandoned us. They didn’t tell us why, but told us every reason why not he chose to leave. It was a punch in the stomach (as it would be for your Wife and your children if you were to abandon them for another Family (that is essentially what you would be doing). He is now a travel agent.

During this same time, our good friends (Catholic with five children), the Husband cheated on the Wife with a young girl half his age and has now started a new family with her (Still Married to his first Wife and on child number two with the hussy)! His older children have been extremely hurt by what he has done and want nothing to do with him. The younger ones visit him every-other weekend.

In both these cases they can convince themselves that God called them or gifted them this new path, but what they did was selfish (even if they can convince themselves that there are unselfish aspects to their decision to abandon their vocation).

I also think of time-travel. Some believe that when we make choices that it creates a branch (or parallel). If you’ve ever seen “The Butterfly Effect” film, you will understand what I am describing her. Perhaps there is another parallel where you chose to be Priest and there is this parallel where you have chosen the vocation of Marriage. I personally do not believe in this theory, but it is fun to think about.

When my Wife and I got Married, we had to choose to either live near her Family (up by the great lake) or by my Family (down by the rivers and valleys). Both are beautiful in their own way. We have since lived in both. And when I was living in one place, I missed the other (or felt calling to move there), but now that we live here, there are times when I miss living down there (and feel a calling to move there). I think this is natural. If only we could bi-locate like St. Padre Pio ; ) We are all longing, but this is not our home. I don’t any of us will truly feel we are where we are supposed to be truly until we get to Heaven.

I also think of St. Joseph. He was there for Mary and Jesus. Do you think he ever had thoughts if this was the right decision? Scripture never says, but I would imagine that he did.

I do not know if any of this helps, but making St. Joseph a patron Saint of your life, and sacrifice these thought to God, asking Him to help you be a better Husband, Father, and Disciple in this vocation you have chosen.

Perhaps @CanadianPriest might have another perspective, but from someone who chose a Priestly vocation and may have or know Priests who have similar thoughts of doubt or a sort of buyer’s resource (for lack of a better term).