Recent experiences have left me deeply doubtful and even angry toward God. I feel like life has lost all meaning, and I don’t believe He will help me. I’ve prayed — sincerely and earnestly — but I haven’t gained peace, not even a sense of peace. Instead, I feel even more empty and lost. It’s a terrible feeling, as if my heart is growing numb and hollow.
I still go to church, take part in group activities, and share scripture. My words still encourage others, and people still think my faith is strong, that my spiritual life is solid. But I know the truth — I feel utterly powerless, just forcing myself to keep going.
Does anyone know what I can do? How have others made it through times like this?
St. Mother Teresa loved and served God in ways that ten of our lives combined could not do, and yet, she too suffered what she described as a “dark night of the soul.”
Thank you for putting into words something that I can’t even imagine to feel. It sounds like you already do all the things that I would recommend to someone who is experiencing this feeling of despair or emptiness. Could what you are experiencing be related to grief or loss of a loved one?
The way you write is almost poetic. You have a real talent for writing. Have you ever considered writing poetry?
Yes, precisely this kind of pain. The loss of someone I deeply loved. I do have a habit of writing poetry. This is a poem I wrote recently.
My life is always accompanied by rain,
Especially on nights I think of you—
Those nights, it inevitably rains until dawn.
Waking groggily to the scent of sweat,
Then falling back into restless sleep,
While outside the rain pounds fiercely,
Pattering and rattling against the window.
A voice echoes in my mind,
Soothing me,
Though friends sit beside me,
Only this voice brings comfort.
For a moment, I dare not face tomorrow.
I wish the rain would forever veil the sun—
For I’d rather linger in longing and confusion about you,
Like a child yet unborn,
Curled safe inside the mother’s womb,
Where even darkness feels secure.
When the rain stops, I must sort my thoughts,
Return to the world beyond this dream,
Gather my fragile self and this heart that misses you.
I wish I could remain a child forever,
But not drown eternally in the rain.
Perhaps the only remedy is love.
I think the best proof of God’s existence is the love you feel for your loved one. Love is God.
I have felt the pain of feeling God loves everyone better than me. The best advice I received was to tell God exactly how I feel all the time. My anger, my sadness, my disappointment etc. I think it really helped me.
Keep in mind, I’m an ex-Catholic, but I still believe in God and Jesus.
I agree with you, with the posts that I’ve been seeing lately and the collective energy being very mad and upset, I can see why you would say the faith is facing a major crisis, and I agree 100%. It seems like people are being severely tested for their faith, which is sad….no one should have to be tested regarding anything.
Unfortunately, I don’t have any advice I can give you, because when I was part of a religion, I had periods too where my faith was being severely tested. I’ve had close friends and even family members die on me too, but I must be protected because I haven’t lost my faith at all. In fact, I’m always comforted when someone dies, not that I wish death on anyone, not even my worst enemies, but I think God has given me a beautiful gift to where, He assures me through symbols and signs that everyone close to me who has died is enjoying their afterlife. So, I don’t really have that problem. Yes, I would cry initially and it took a few days for me to stop crying, but I’m pretty sure all the people who have died who were close to me are doing just fine.
I guess maybe ask God if He can give you signs that the person who died is doing ok. I’m sorry, I guess I’m not much help. I just know that I will pray for you, and I’m sincerely sorry. Whomever died mean’t a great deal to you, and I hate that you’re suffering. I’m so sorry….
I am at the exact same place as you are. Everyday it gets more hopeless and faithless, I don’t really think anything is going to get better, it never does
Jesus is in the boat with us in the midst of storms and darkness (Luke 8:23-25). “Light shall rise for you in the darkness, and the gloom shall become for you like midday,” if we do what this Sunday’s first Reading and Gospel suggests. Keep hope.