Death Cafes events, what are they?

What is a Death Cafe event?

The Death Cafe movement started in the UK around 2011. At a Death Cafe people, often strangers, gather to eat cake, drink tea and discuss death. Their objective is ‘to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives’.

A Death Cafe is a group directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or themes. It is a discussion group rather than a grief support or counseling session. They are always offered for free. There is no charge. They are held in an accessible, respectful and confidential space (or online), with no intention of leading people to any conclusion, product or course of action.

The above description is a fairly standard format for most of the 20,000 plus world-wide Death Cafe groups. These groups are either held in person, or online via computer.

In my limited exposure to this movement I have observed that it is part of, or at least to some degree associated with, the culture of death. I say this for several reasons. First, at many such meetings, the topic of euthanasia/mercy killing frequently comes up and is well supported by movement. Also, most of the participants, at least in the local, online groups I have attended, are non-religious, or atheist.

There are two types of Death Cafes – local independent groups, and company or organization sponsored groups – including Hospice.

Hospice organizations and other groups are increasingly hosting “Death Cafes,” informal gatherings for open discussions about death, dying, and end-of-life issues, to foster compassionate communities and increase awareness of these topics to foster compassionate communities” Compassion for what – euthanasia, physician assisted suicide, etc?

Below is a letter I wrote to the organizer on one such local group.

I am new to the Death Cafe scene. I have attended a few online meetings, and have read many posts from D C websites. From one D C site; I read the following:

“… conversations to increase awareness of death with the view to making the most of life”. I posted a general question on their message board asking how does the “awareness of death” contribute to making the most of life? “How does this happen, what are the mechanics of the process” I Asked?

The organizer wrote an extensive reply which seemed to pretty much reflect the general philosophy of the D C movement, one of embracing death in terms of worldly or human values. Below is my reply in which I tried to expand upon the D C philosophy to make it more inclusive of reality.

Dear Sir,

Let me explain what I meant when I said “… your goals are too limited in their scope, in that they are not oriented toward the best or greatest good of the person”. So what does “The best or greatest good of a person” consist of? To answer this question we must first ask, and answer, two other very basic questions: “Why do we exist”, and “What is man”?

“Why do we exist?” The answer is that we were created by God so as to know, love and serve Him in this life, & be happy with Him in heaven forever in the next life, after we die. This life is a test, to see if we are worthy of all the great gifts of eternal happiness that God wishes to give us.

“What is man”? Man is a composite being consisting of both a material and a spiritual component. Man differs from God and the angels in that we have a material body, while they do not. The spiritual portion of man (the soul) is what gives life to the body, it is the animating principle of human life. When does life begin? It begins at conception. When the female egg cell, and the male sperm cell unite in the mother’s womb, the first cell combination (called a Zygote) is formed. At this precise instant God infuses a newly created soul into the fertilized egg, and a new human being is created.

When does death occur? As life begins by the joining of body and soul, death is the reverse of that process. Death occurs at the separation of body and soul. At that point, the body dies, but the soul does not die. Once created, the soul will exist forever. In other words, once created, the human person will exist for all eternity. True, our physical bodies will die (temporarily) and then be reanimated and reunited with our soul at the General Resurrection at the end of the world – a glorified body for the elect – a dammed body for the reprobate. So our ultimate purpose in life, our “best and greatest good” is to live our lives in conformity with God’s Will, which will gain for us eternal happiness in heaven after we leave this earthly life.

From what I can tell, the basic philosophy of the Death Cafe movement is, in many cases, a rejection of God’s plan for the human person. For example, a common topic of discussion at D C meetings is the subject of euthanasia, mercy killing, assisted suicide, etc, or whatever name one wishes to use to describe the procedure. In this case we are making man the final decision maker as to how we end our lives. Objectively speaking, the act of terminating one’s own life is still murder - a violation of the 5 Th. commandment. So the person dies with the sin of murder on his/her soul - they are now dead - with no chance of repentance, and must now appear before Christ for judgment (Hebrews 9:27). Not a good situation. Anyone who dies in the state of serious sin has condemned themselves to hell for all eternity, because, as scripture says, “Into heaven nothing defiled shall enter” (Revelation 21:27).

We need to remember that our bodies are not our own, they belong to God. If we kill or injure ourselves (or someone else), we are injuring or destroying God’s property. Scripture is very clear on this point.

Or know you not, that your members are the temple of the Holy Ghost, who is in you, whom you have from God; and you are not your own, for you are bought with a great price. Glorify and bear God in your body". (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).

God commands us to do all that we can to help people save their soul and get to heaven. He warns us that we will be held accountable for people who are lost because of our actions, or inaction.

And at the end of seven days the word of the Lord came to me, saying: Son of man, I have made thee a watchman to the house of Israel: and thou shalt hear the word out of my mouth, and shalt tell it them from me. If, when I say to the wicked, Thou shalt surely die: thou declare it not to him, nor speak to him, that he may be converted from his wicked way, and live: the same wicked man shall die in his iniquity, but I will require his blood at thy hand… .” (Ezekiel 3:16-19; and 33:6-9).

Also, in the spiritual life, there is no neutrality. Again from scripture, our Lord warns us that fence sitters are not acceptable. Jesus says explicitly: “Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters.” (Matthew 12:30). Again remember the passages from Ezekiel above.

Lastly, this life is not the end, it is only the beginning, the beginning of our eternal life, our life in eternity. Therefore if we are not living our lives in conformity with God’s laws, then let us repent while there is still time. Let us exert ourselves to the utmost to accomplish the work of our salvation. Do now, what, on the Day of Judgment, you would then wish you would have done. For at the moment of death, the time of grace will have passed, the time of justice will have come. (Hebrews 9: 27; 2 Corinthians 5:10; Romans 14:10, 12; Matthew 7:13-14; 25:31-47).

Additional resource material on the art of dying well can be found at the link below.

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Sounds morbid : )

My brother and I had an interesting conversation over the weekend. He and his son are exploring what happens after one dies.

A little background about my brother. He chose not to be Confirmed as a teenager (which at the time, was probably the most honest of he and all my cousins who were Confirmed, but do not attend Church today). My brother claims he is “incapable” of being a Christian and self-identifies as a “heathen.” He refers to Christianity as a "top-down religion, apposed to his bottom-up belief, which I will try to explain below).

He and his Wife did not raise their two children up to believe in God and they tried Church-hopping early in their Marriage, but would find something wrong with every one they attended (yeah, because Churches are filled with sinners like him ; )

He and his son now believe in multi-dimensionalism with some other beliefs attached.

As I understand it, because it sounds abstract and foreign to me, he believes that we are currently living in the third dimension. And if you MANifest that you will go to the fourth dimension then you will (subjective reality is what I would call this). And if you believe you are going to Heaven, then that is where you will got (like an off-ramp). If you believe you are going to Hell (as some joke), then you will go to Hell (another off-ramp). But, as long as you continue upward, then you become more and more like gods. And each new dimension has different perimeters and attributes (very much like a different level in a video game). I asked him following questions:

  • What is the purpose? Is there a point to all of it?
  • Who designed these dimensions (do you believe in God or gods?)
  • If you can MANifest what happens after you die, can you MANifest what happens in each dimension (either current or below? I assume you cannot have the power yet to change what is above).
  • If each god-being (for a lack of understanding) has the ability to MANifest or change what is, does it affect the realities of everyone or only you? If yes, then essentially you are both an NPC (non-playable-character to other in that dimension) and a PC (in that you are a playable character in your current dimension, but others see you as a non-playable-character?) I see a lot of problems with either of these renderings. If your MANifestations do affect everyone else and theirs yours, then there would be chaos (god-being against god-being). What I men by this is if, I have god-mode turned on and I am flying or whatever ability gives me and another god-being would prefer to play with god-mode turned off, then I would fall to the ground and die — on to the next dimension or off-ramp I go). Unless of course there is low-gravity in that dimension by default, then you would maybe float to the ground and survive.
  • If this is starting to sound like a video game, it does to me as well. At what point to you fight the boss God? And if you beat the boss, then you have administration rolls to control all of the dimension below you?

Forgive me if it all sounds like what the devil promised to Adam and Eve in the garden. And the same offer that the devil tried to offer to Jesus during His 40-Day fast in the desert. You can be like God.

I think I know why this appeals to my Brother for a few reasons:

  1. He has always had a savoir complex: He ran for public office to save the Country. He loves Comic Books and Super Heroes (but, does not see Jesus as the true Savior).
  2. He views success as making more money: He is never satisfied in his job, he is always looking to climb and if their is not higher position, he grows discontent and begin seeking the next big thing that he thinks will bring him a sense of “success.”
  3. He has dreams of being famous: He has tried out for American Idol and The Voice, but does not see the value in learning, practicing, and putting in the hard work that comes naturally to some.

Believing that you become a god after you die promises you infinite wealth (like the cheat cod in Sim City), power (control over what is), and fame (others worship you).

My brother is in a place in his life where nothing brings him lasting joy. And what we see when Adam rejected God and was deceived by the serpent (the result was suffering, depression, and death).

Matthew 11:28-30 says, "Come to Me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For My yoke is easy, and My burden light.

My brother is trying to do God things on his own and gets frustrated when he can’t. God does not expect us to do it on our own (bottom up religion). He asks us to trust and to be obedient, not because He wants to rule over us, but because He loves us. When we fail in our covarion, yes, it is most often ourselves to blame, but if we are co-operating with God’s grace, the weight is not as heavy, because we are not trying to do all the lifting on our own.

God wants to bring forth order in the midst of chaos (because God is order).

When the devil attempts Jesus in the desert for the second time, Jesus replies, “It is written: ‘You shall worship the Lord, your God, and Him alone shall you serve’” (Luke 4:8). Not ourselves, not other god-like beings, and not the whatever the devil has to offer you.

Christianity is a top-down, bottom-up relationship with our Creator. This is not a video game. It is real. And what happens when we die is up to God, but we must also realize that God does not desire anyone to be in Hell. We are given the free-will to reject God, and therefore choose eternal suffering, depression, and death, or we can accept Jesus’ invitation to choose forgiveness, joy, and life (in this life and in the next).

Related reading:

Peace to all,

So true, at the moment of conception, The Soul is created, verified OMNILogically, to me.

Logical explanation of “The Virgin Birth.” How can this be? rationally? logically? OMNILogically, Easy to explain, to me.

Logically blood and water birth creates the Soul of the being explaining the “Virgin Birth” of the Christ because the souls of the Holy Family preexisted before creation was ever created was even created and did not require blood and water birth on earth for Their conception for Jesus, miraculously Virgin born truly God and truly man, becoming The Christ in all mankind, through both natures, from death to life resurrection, becoming again One Holy Spirit Family One God in being, OMNILogically, to me.

“caught up together with them in the clouds” to meet the Lord in the air.

Jesus always said, “What is it to you if he remain alive until I return, You must follow me”, OMNILogically God, Same Two Nature spirit and life resurrection God from the Faith of Abraham expressed rationally, logically, to me so even a child can understand, death and resurrection, becoming again, One Holy Spirit Family One God in being.

Death to life from the spirit through the flesh for the flesh to become transformed immortal from Baptism from the Spirit death to life is from Sacrifice through Penance becoming again glorified and transfigured incorruptible in One Holy Spirit Family One God in being.

And rationally they all await, “In The Bosom of Abraham” for the New Living Sacrifice, The Host, becoming from transforming through glorifying for transfiguring all in becoming again, One Holy Spirit Family One God in being.

Logically, first nature resurrection is awaiting of the spirits in the soul of the Bosom of Abraham, and the Dead in Christ will rationally and really rise from first becoming spirit into the second coming from both natures, spirit and life of The Christ in all mankind through both natures, spirit and life in One Holy Spirit and One God in being. In a loud voice He says, “It is Finished” from the Cross, and like the Parable of the Thief in the night, Jesus dies and descends stealing back all His souls from the chasm of The Bosom of Abraham and with flesh The Christ and all from the Bosom of Abraham and crosses over to the chasm of Death and with Jesus all in the new flesh bust the walls and bind the strong man, Satan in his own home tearing down his walls and destroying death forever and all rise up with all in the New Body from the power of The Holy Spirit Family. In this story we know Jesus is not the bad guy here when Jesus steals back all from the Chasm of the Bosom of Abraham and Jesus in the flesh resurrects all from spirit through life for both natures, in One God and One Temple, spirit and life, “caught up together with them in the clouds” becoming again in One Holy Spirit Family One New Heaven and Earth resurrected in the New Heaven for all, OMNILogically, to me.

“caught up together with them in the clouds”
clouds?
And logically, what will the clouds be?
His Angels, OMNILogically.

Peace always,
Stephen

I attended a Death Cafe in 2018 at a public library to see what I might learn. At the time I was a volunteer chaplain at Alexandria Hospital in Virginia and numerous times assisted bereaved people and was present at one or more deaths of patients.

The Death Cafe was a one-hour facilitated discussion about death, planning for death, dealing with death, etc. There were about ten participants, some of whom had attended Death Cafes before.

One participant was an end-of-life doula: someone who assists with end-of-life planning and sometimes is present at death. A doula can usually be available to spend more time bedside than hospice staff can, she said.

Others had experienced the death of a loved one or were expecting it or were anticipating their own death. About three of the ten expressed interest in obtaining suicide pills.

Some concerns that participants raised: Hospice may be hard to get into.
Despite having living wills, some patients they’d known had been hooked up to life-preserving machinery. The doula recommended a book, “Five Invitations.” Someone else recommended “Five Wishes” to learn about living wills.

For me as a chaplain, it was enlightening to hear some people talk about their perspectives on death. Some mentioned that they are members of churches, but there was no religious discussion, although that was not discouraged. Participants were only cautioned to show respect for others’ beliefs.