What is a Death Cafe event?
The Death Cafe movement started in the UK around 2011. At a Death Cafe people, often strangers, gather to eat cake, drink tea and discuss death. Their objective is ‘to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives’.
A Death Cafe is a group directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or themes. It is a discussion group rather than a grief support or counseling session. They are always offered for free. There is no charge. They are held in an accessible, respectful and confidential space (or online), with no intention of leading people to any conclusion, product or course of action.
The above description is a fairly standard format for most of the 20,000 plus world-wide Death Cafe groups. These groups are either held in person, or online via computer.
In my limited exposure to this movement I have observed that it is part of, or at least to some degree associated with, the culture of death. I say this for several reasons. First, at many such meetings, the topic of euthanasia/mercy killing frequently comes up and is well supported by movement. Also, most of the participants, at least in the local, online groups I have attended, are non-religious, or atheist.
There are two types of Death Cafes – local independent groups, and company or organization sponsored groups – including Hospice.
“Hospice organizations and other groups are increasingly hosting “Death Cafes,” informal gatherings for open discussions about death, dying, and end-of-life issues, to foster compassionate communities and increase awareness of these topics to foster compassionate communities” Compassion for what – euthanasia, physician assisted suicide, etc?
Below is a letter I wrote to the organizer on one such local group.
I am new to the Death Cafe scene. I have attended a few online meetings, and have read many posts from D C websites. From one D C site; I read the following:
“… conversations to increase awareness of death with the view to making the most of life”. I posted a general question on their message board asking how does the “awareness of death” contribute to making the most of life? “How does this happen, what are the mechanics of the process” I Asked?
The organizer wrote an extensive reply which seemed to pretty much reflect the general philosophy of the D C movement, one of embracing death in terms of worldly or human values. Below is my reply in which I tried to expand upon the D C philosophy to make it more inclusive of reality.
Dear Sir,
Let me explain what I meant when I said “… your goals are too limited in their scope, in that they are not oriented toward the best or greatest good of the person”. So what does “The best or greatest good of a person” consist of? To answer this question we must first ask, and answer, two other very basic questions: “Why do we exist”, and “What is man”?
“Why do we exist?” The answer is that we were created by God so as to know, love and serve Him in this life, & be happy with Him in heaven forever in the next life, after we die. This life is a test, to see if we are worthy of all the great gifts of eternal happiness that God wishes to give us.
“What is man”? Man is a composite being consisting of both a material and a spiritual component. Man differs from God and the angels in that we have a material body, while they do not. The spiritual portion of man (the soul) is what gives life to the body, it is the animating principle of human life. When does life begin? It begins at conception. When the female egg cell, and the male sperm cell unite in the mother’s womb, the first cell combination (called a Zygote) is formed. At this precise instant God infuses a newly created soul into the fertilized egg, and a new human being is created.
When does death occur? As life begins by the joining of body and soul, death is the reverse of that process. Death occurs at the separation of body and soul. At that point, the body dies, but the soul does not die. Once created, the soul will exist forever. In other words, once created, the human person will exist for all eternity. True, our physical bodies will die (temporarily) and then be reanimated and reunited with our soul at the General Resurrection at the end of the world – a glorified body for the elect – a dammed body for the reprobate. So our ultimate purpose in life, our “best and greatest good” is to live our lives in conformity with God’s Will, which will gain for us eternal happiness in heaven after we leave this earthly life.
From what I can tell, the basic philosophy of the Death Cafe movement is, in many cases, a rejection of God’s plan for the human person. For example, a common topic of discussion at D C meetings is the subject of euthanasia, mercy killing, assisted suicide, etc, or whatever name one wishes to use to describe the procedure. In this case we are making man the final decision maker as to how we end our lives. Objectively speaking, the act of terminating one’s own life is still murder - a violation of the 5 Th. commandment. So the person dies with the sin of murder on his/her soul - they are now dead - with no chance of repentance, and must now appear before Christ for judgment (Hebrews 9:27). Not a good situation. Anyone who dies in the state of serious sin has condemned themselves to hell for all eternity, because, as scripture says, “Into heaven nothing defiled shall enter” (Revelation 21:27).
We need to remember that our bodies are not our own, they belong to God. If we kill or injure ourselves (or someone else), we are injuring or destroying God’s property. Scripture is very clear on this point.
“Or know you not, that your members are the temple of the Holy Ghost, who is in you, whom you have from God; and you are not your own, for you are bought with a great price. Glorify and bear God in your body". (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).
God commands us to do all that we can to help people save their soul and get to heaven. He warns us that we will be held accountable for people who are lost because of our actions, or inaction.
“And at the end of seven days the word of the Lord came to me, saying: Son of man, I have made thee a watchman to the house of Israel: and thou shalt hear the word out of my mouth, and shalt tell it them from me. If, when I say to the wicked, Thou shalt surely die: thou declare it not to him, nor speak to him, that he may be converted from his wicked way, and live: the same wicked man shall die in his iniquity, but I will require his blood at thy hand… .” (Ezekiel 3:16-19; and 33:6-9).
Also, in the spiritual life, there is no neutrality. Again from scripture, our Lord warns us that fence sitters are not acceptable. Jesus says explicitly: “Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters.” (Matthew 12:30). Again remember the passages from Ezekiel above.
Lastly, this life is not the end, it is only the beginning, the beginning of our eternal life, our life in eternity. Therefore if we are not living our lives in conformity with God’s laws, then let us repent while there is still time. Let us exert ourselves to the utmost to accomplish the work of our salvation. Do now, what, on the Day of Judgment, you would then wish you would have done. For at the moment of death, the time of grace will have passed, the time of justice will have come. (Hebrews 9: 27; 2 Corinthians 5:10; Romans 14:10, 12; Matthew 7:13-14; 25:31-47).
Additional resource material on the art of dying well can be found at the link below.
