My parents came to America from a second-world country. I was born here but they sent me over there to my grandparents for many summers as I was growing up. What really impressed me was not the relative poverty or lack of education or political rights, but what stood out the most was the multi-generational families, kids playing in the streets, and the general sense of community. There were 4 generations in my house, with the parents going out to work while the grandparents took the load for house chores and taking care of the kids and the great-grandparents. They had something to do, some sense of purpose.
In contrast, in America it seems pretty normal for aged 50+ couples to be living completely alone. I’ve been to many parishes where there wasn’t a single person under 50 in attendance. I’ve been to many villages where there are no kids at all. Even in my extended family which immigrated, I see the grandparents sent off to Florida for retirement while their children’s nuclear families are spread all accross the country. I get that this has to do with the value of independence in American culture, and the social stigma associated with living with your parents.
But my question is - what purpose do you find in life? You’ve already fulfilled your Christian duty to raise your kids Catholic, and you’re not raising your grandkids. What meaningful impactful things are there left for you to do besides pray, read, and attend the occasional family/community gathering? How do you give yourself over to Christ, to those whom you love? I’m at the age where I’m starting to plan my family life and where and how it should look like, and this thought is troubling me. Because it really does sometimes seem like these people are just going about with nothing left to achieve in life; just waiting around until they die.
(Just to be fair - as technology advances and economic opportunities in the big cities arise, multi-generational families and sense of community are receding in that country I’m talking about)
This is a great question! And I am about a decade away from 50, but I do know at our Parish, they have a 50+ Potluck and that gives older couples something to do and a way to meet other older couples.
Our Parish also does a pen-pal activity where the Catholic School kids write an older Catholic in the Church (I believe anonymously) and receives letters in return.
Your observation about Florida is pretty accurate. My Wife and I got Married in a touristy Ohio town and they have many snow-birds (older couples who live in Florida during Winter & Fall and then return in the Spring & Summer.
People joke that “What happens in ‘The Villages’ stays in ‘The Villages’ : )” The Villages is a huge retirement community in Florida.
The older I get, the colder I get and the more enticing moving to someplace warmer gets. I love Ohio and my Family is here.
I grew up in a huge Catholic Family (on my Mom’s side) and I used to love getting together with my Family. The generation(s) before ours rarely talked about politics. I could not have told you the political affiliation of any of my Aunts and Uncles. But, somewhere this changed. Politics have become the new American sport and it has divided Families. And everyone was Catholic, except my Mom and Step-Dad, and my Uncle who lost his Faith.
On my Dad’s side, all that is left is my Aunt. My cousins on this side of the Family are scattered. Two of my cousins died young. One hung out with the wrong crowd and another suffered a stroke (may or may not have been drug related). Another cousin is still living, but is addicted to prescription pain medicine. My Dad came from the other side of the tracks as they say.
I agree with you that technology has made it easier to not be present in each other’s lives. And this is super sad. Where I grew up knowing my Great Aunts and Uncles, my first, second, and third cousins. This is becoming less and less true of the upcoming generations, which is sad. So, as Catholic Christians, what do we do about it?
Finding your purpose in life is so easy. What gives you joy? If joy is going to the zoo, then go to the zoo as much as you can. If joy for you is going on a “joyride” then get in your car and go on a nice drive. If joy for you is helping the poor, then help the poor as much as you can.
People constantly think that their purpose has to be this big existential thing. And, maybe for some people, their joy comes in trying to rid the world of poverty, but it doesn’t have to apply to you or me. Sometimes the simpler things are good enough. I think as huemans we sometimes try to over-complicate things. I’m notorious for that. But, your purpose in life is living your life. It’s finding your joy and chasing it. And now that the nest is empty, it’s time for you to chase your joy! So, don’t waste another second, chase your joy whatever it may be!
The deeper our communion with the Father, through the Son, in the Holy Spirit, and with all whom God places in our lives, the more fully we become the person He created us to be.
This has a rhythm to it that makes it memorable. It is simple enough to remember, yet deep enough to meditate on for a lifetime. I think it beautifully captures the Catholic understanding that our destiny is not merely to do good things, but to be drawn ever more deeply into the communion of love that is the very life of the Blessed Trinity.
I was considering “retirement” early, as I’m a tid-bit older than 60. The idea sounded appealing – retire from work/employment and enjoy the remainder golden years of my life at ease.
LOL. However, I tried moving into the “retirement realm” and mindset for 1 year. That’s all I could take. 6 months of “retirement” passed and I was miserable, bored, felt unproductive, and detached from others.
After 12 months passed I went back into business as sole-proprietor in the IT-service professional industry, which is where my passion lays and is my lifetime career of choice.
Today, once again at an office and working, I’m much more happier, able to engage with customers on a more personal and detailed level, and feel fulfilled. I no longer have a “detachment from others” yearning and am extremely satisfied at a slower-paced life.
Some of us “Live to work” (ie enjoy their job/career/profession) and others of us “Work to live” (Work because we have to). I envy those in the former but I’m squarely in the latter.
I know people who love what they do so much that they don’t ever want to retire and just keep working until they physically can’t any longer. I think that’s great if that’s what they want. I think this is a rarity though.
Nearly all of the enjoyment I get out of life happens in my private life. I have no shortage of keeping busy and finding things to do that I want to do. In fact, I consider my work at my job to be a necessary evil that absolutely takes away (time) from what I want to do. I would love to retire now, but that’s not financially possible. Life away from my job is freedom. Even if I try to look at it another more positive way and say that my job (paycheck) allows me to have the free time that I do have, when I have it, so I should see it more favorably, the price to pay (full work week) is too high for the small amount of free time I get. A 5 day work week for essentially 50 years is tragically imbalanced in society. A “wage/tax slave”.
For those who DO want to retire and spend time enjoying their free time, I believe it best to try to retire earlier than later. I know a handful of first-hand cases, people I knew personally, who looked forward to retirement but decided to work a little longer. In each case, they were dead within a year to a year and a half of having their retirement years.
Today, once again at an office and working, I’m much more happier, able to engage with customers on a more personal and detailed level, and feel fulfilled. I no longer have a “detachment from others” yearning and am extremely satisfied at a slower-paced life.